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Summary: In response to a list thread asking for alternate versions of TPM backstory, I offer 'If Judy Blume wrote Jedi Apprentice'. Hence, Qui-Gon and his new padawan move to New Jersey, where Obi-Wan begins the trials of adolescence.
Rated PG-13 for a teen's sexual fantasies and all the horrors of puberty.
Categories: Qui/Obi, Alternate-Universe, Angst, Pre-Slash, Drama, Humor

Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan are the property of Lucasfilm. The story is based on Are you there God? It's me, Margaret by Judy Blume, every teenage girl's other mother. It is plagiarised with great affection. This was originally published as a wip on MA.

To Pumpkin I offer my first born, and any other children that I should accidentally conceive in this lifetime. Pumpkin was my wonderful goddess-beta, with the world's fastest turnaround, and I know some people might say that's because she spends way too much time online, but I would never be one of those people.

Dedicated to everyone who ever chanted I must - I must - I must increase my bust!

Chapter One

I came back from the mission exercise to find all my possessions gone from my cubicle in the initiate's rooms. It seemed Qui-Gon had finally decided that it was time for me to be his padawan.

I was still wondering where I was supposed to go when he appeared in a swish of robes, to tell me that we were going to be living on Jersari. I hadn't expected it at all: Qui-Gon's home base had always been Coruscant, and when we had discussed my being his padawan, we'd always made decisions together. He'd never said anything about moving away.

I didn't consider it fair at all. My friends were all on Coruscant; they were going to stay there and be padawans together, while I would have to make new friends. It would be simple enough for Qui-Gon. He wouldn't need to deal with Padawan Level cliques, and he had few friends anyway.

For once he took little interest in my arguments, and we boarded a ship for our new home.

Jersari is pleasant enough, but nothing like Coruscant. The local population live in separate houses for each family, each house with its own small patch of land. The Jedi temple is low and sprawling, only two levels high. The residences are organised in long blocks, with the door to each set of quarters on the outside walkway. There are trees everywhere, all around us.

Qui-Gon says that he wishes for us to be close to Living Force. I think we moved away because of Yoda, because Qui-Gon thinks that he interferes too much. That's partly true; after all, it was Yoda who manoeuvred us together, and he has always taken a personal interest in me, but I always considered that a good thing. I like Yoda. He tells me a lot of good stories about Qui-Gon.

Yoda won't follow us to Jersari. He has a lot of work to do on the Council, and he doesn't like to travel. He says that hyperspace makes his cartilage vibrate. So I assume I'll see little of him in future.

Chapter Two

I was still rearranging my things in my new cubicle when someone came in and stood behind me. I turned to find a padawan of about my age, with red fur tufting from his face and tall ears. "I'm Ary. I live three doors down. You're Obi-Wan. I know that because Master Mennmin put a message on the temple net. You look like you just became a padawan, right?"

I nodded.

"I thought so. So did I. You'll be in all my classes. Do you want me to show you around the temple?"

"I have to ask my master."

"All right."

I trotted over to the kitchen, where Qui-Gon was rearranging the cupboards for the thirtieth time. I don't know why it was so difficult; we have much more space here than we did on Coruscant. "Padawan Ary from three doors down wanted to know if I want him to show me around the temple."

"Have you finished unpacking your room?"

"Yes."

"That will be fine."

I straightened my tunics and went to follow Ary outside.

"It's hot, isn't it?"

"Yes," I replied. I didn't really think it was, not like when the smothering heat settled in on Coruscant, but I wanted to be polite. I rather liked the way the breeze tempered the warmth, here.

He led the way along the balcony that ran across the front of our row of residences - we were on the upstairs floor. Each set of rooms had a screen door to let the air through and a large window each side. Ary pointed to his quarters as we went past. They looked just like our quarters, only much neater.

"That building on its own over there with the arch roof is the main gymnasium. It fits 2500 people. The white building through there has the library and some quiet rooms. That's where we'll have most of our theoretical classes." He stopped. "There are toilets here. Do you need to go?"

I shrugged, but he led the way in. "I do."

Since we were there, I figured I might as well. I followed him in, stood beside him at the trough as we tucked all the layers of our tunics up in our belts to keep them out of the way. I firmly believe that whoever designed these outfits must be from a race that urinates out of their foreheads or something. Jedi are many things, but they are not in the least part practical.

I was very studiously examining the wall in front of me when I felt Ary lean forward to take a look. He didn't even pretend that he wasn't. "You haven't grown yet."

I could feel my face burn, as I tried to pee faster. "The masters in the initiate's wing said there's plenty of time for that."

"I've already started growing. I'm going to be hung like a bantha."

I sneaked a look, though of course he noticed because he was watching me. He didn't look any bigger than me. Certainly nothing like a bantha, though why he'd want to have an ugly hairy penis like that, I couldn't imagine. I finally finished, and quickly tucked myself away.

Ary took his time. "I thought you'd be much more sophisticated, coming from Coruscant. I thought everyone grew up faster there. Have you had sex?"

"No."

"Have you been felt up?"

"No."

"Have you kissed anyone?"

I felt myself shrinking. "No." None of my friends on Coruscant had kissed anyone.

"Good. Neither have I."

Ary walked me around the rest of the temple, showed me the main dining halls, the acquisition department, the senior administration and all of his favourite meditation spots.

As we were walking back, he was telling me about all the people in our class: who was important, who was an outsider, and who was too smart for their own good. Mostly he talked about all the things they had done together as initiates. Finally he stopped when we reached his door. "You don't have any friends here, so you can sit with me and my friends, if you like."

"All right." I wasn't about to say 'thank you.'

Qui-Gon and I cooked dinner together that night. I told him there was a dining hall just like home, but he said that he wants to learn to cook, now that we have a large food prep area of our own, instead of a tiny corner like on Coruscant.

He burned the meat slightly and he forgot the herbs, but I thought it was better not to say so. I told him it was very nice, and that seemed to make him happy.

I haven't told Qui-Gon I talk to the Force. We're always told that we should listen, let it speak through us, but I think it's nicer if it's a conversation. It makes me feel more in touch.

Chapter Three

I woke early the next morning to meditate, hoping to find some resonance with my new home, but I was disturbed by a banging from outside.

I unfolded myself and went out to the main room to see a familiar sight glaring through the screen door. "Yoda!" I pulled open the door to let him in. "How did you get here?"

"Caught a transport, I did."

"I thought you said transports were too slow."

"Found a fast one."

"I thought you couldn't spare time from the council."

"Twelve of us there are. Why need this old master?"

I laughed. "Of course they need you, but I'm glad you're here."

"Where is Qui-Gon?"

I lowered my voice. "He's still asleep."

"Hmph." Yoda climbed onto a seat to wait while I prepared some some food. "So, Obi-Wan, you like your new home?"

"It is comfortable. The Living Force is strong here. I made a friend, a padawan called Ary."

"Good, good."

I looked up then to see Qui-Gon stopped in the opening of his cubicle. "Look who's here!"

"Yes," he replied.

"The transports weren't so difficult for him after all."

"So it seems."

"Good morning, Qui-Gon."

"Good morning, Master. You should have told us you were coming."

"Come to see you, I did not. I am here for Obi-Wan."

Qui-Gon and Yoda made awkward conversation through the meal, and then Qui-Gon excused himself, muttering about something else he had to do. That was fine with us; I wanted to talk to Yoda.

Yoda had never visited the Jersari temple before, so I showed him around. For the most part, I repeated all of Ary's observations, since I had only just arrived myself, but Yoda seemed pleased.

"Like Jersari, hmmm?"

I shrugged. "I barely know it yet."

He looked at me suspiciously, and I gave in. I can never hide from Yoda.

"It's very dark here at night, and everyone lets the breeze blow through their quarters. I miss my friends. I miss the energy of all the people of Coruscant. Though it is very good to feel the strength of the Living Force here." I didn't want Yoda to think I was criticising Qui-Gon.

"Bah," Yoda retorted. "If Living Force is what Qui-Gon wishes, live on Dagobah, you should."

I kept quiet. I loved Yoda very much, but he asked me to come to Dagobah with him often, and Qui-Gon had told me about that planet often enough that I knew I didn't want to go there. Ever.

We spent most of the day sitting on the grass in front of Qui-Gon's and my rooms, talking about everything just like we did at home. At the end of the day Qui-Gon joined us, and suggested that we try eating in the main hall, so that we might meet some more people from the temple. He only wanted to meet people other than Yoda, of course, but that backfired because of course everyone in the temple wanted to speak to council-member and Jedi legend Master Yoda.

Qui-Gon only ate a little, and then decided that he didn't feel well and excused himself. I knew that he was in perfect health, so after I had seen Yoda off on the transport back to Coruscant, I went back to the hall to collect a meal for him.

He accepted it with a wry smile and a thank you that made me feel very important, so I settled down beside him while he ate.

"Just promise me one thing, Padawan. Promise that if he retires, you won't move in with him on Dagobah."

I grinned. "I promise."

Chapter Four

The next morning, we received a delivery. It turned out that while I had spent the previous day entertaining Yoda, Qui-Gon had been shopping.

I examined it with a critical eye. "Since when did we need a light personal transport?"

"It may be unnecessary on Coruscant, where there are a great many public transports and everything is very close, but on here we need to be able to move ourselves."

"But if it is only for you and me, why does it have eight seats? And why have you chosen a high-floor, high-roofed all-terrain vehicle?"

Qui-Gon glared at me. "It is efficient."

I had to admit, it was a very nice transport. It was a dark glittering blue with darkened windows. I opened the door, and with a little Force-lift managed to climb in.

The interior seemed to be lined with soft leather, but Qui-Gon hastily assured me that it was only a replicant material. He pointed out the music system and the way the rearmost seats could be folded down for extra storage, and I told him that was very useful. He beamed.

I think it's much easier to make him happy since we moved out here.

Lessons began a few days later. The school was very small, only twenty two of us in Level One. On Coruscant there would have been hundreds. I would have known more than twenty two of them, but here I only knew Ary. Ary knew everyone else, and didn't need to talk to me.

Our first class was an introduction run by Master Mennmin, the woman in charge of the Temple and the same one that had put the message out about us on the temple net. She was a local of Jersari, tall and slim with bronze-coloured skin and a generous chestnut mane. She perched on the table at the front, casual as she might be in her own home.

She told us that she wanted to know all of us during our training, though she was only looking at me because I was the only new person there. She gave us a long talk about how we were entering a new stage in our lives, in a great many ways, that we would be treated like adults now, and that we should treat ourselves that way too. I imagine it was her way of telling us that we should behave and not pass notes in class.

After the long talk was finished, she asked us all to take out our dataslates and answer the following questions:

My name is
I like
I dislike
In my padawan levels I expect to
The Force is

She wanted us to upload them to her bank when we'd answered them.

I didn't know what I should answer. The first was easy, of course, but the others were difficult. I sneaked a look at the rest of the class, but they were all busily touching in information. I liked and disliked a lot of things. I didn't know what she wanted to hear. Likely something about being a padawan, since that was what this class was about. Finally, I entered

I like lightsaber exercises, engineering, stellopolitics and overpopulated city planets.

I couldn't resist adding that last part.

I dislike the Dark Side.

From there it was much harder. I didn't know what to expect from my padawan levels. On Coruscant, the initiates don't attend classes in the same buildings as the padawans, so I had no idea what I would learn in the two years of schooling before Qui-Gon and I began to take missions together. I guessed that we were supposed to get to know each other in this time, but I wouldn't be able to get to know him while I was in Mennmin's classes. Maybe...

In my padawan levels I expect to become a better Jedi so that I can help my master on missions.

And finally,

The Force is in everything.

That was taught to us in all our classes for as long as I could remember. I could have said a hundred things about what the Force is, but that answer worked as well as any other.

Chapter Five

Ary's friends met right after classes, under a tree far past the gymnasium. There was a male Rodarian called TeNarol, a human boy with dark skin and eyes called Dath, Ary, and me. We sprawled out in the shade, snacking on sweetcakes.

Ary was the centre of the group, of course. He was leaning with his back on the tree. "This is going to be a great year. I can't believe we're all finally padawans. I can't wait to start specialising. I'm going to work in mediations, because I'm very good with the Unifying Force."

TeNarol picked a leaf off the ground. "I'm Living Force. I want to work in disaster recovery and environmental development."

"I use the Living Force, but I don't know what I want to specialise in yet," Dath added, quietly.

"What about you, Obi-Wan? What are you?"

I hated it when people asked that question. "I haven't decided."

They all looked at me. Ary was a picture of shock. "You haven't decided? Then what do you draw on?"

"I draw on both."

"But what are you going to specialise in?"

"I don't know."

They were all looking at me, so I stuck out my chin to show that I was perfectly happy not being either.

TeNarol rolled to lie on his back, head cradled in his hands as he Force-spun the leaf just above his nose. "So what did you think of Master Mennmin's questions?"

"I think she was testing us," Ary replied. "She's going to take all our answers and read into them to see if any of us are going to turn to the Dark Side."

TeNarol buzzed in disagreement. "That's stupid. You couldn't tell if any of us were going to fall from that."

"I'll bet they can. What did you say for your dislike?"

"Sleepout exercises on muddy planets."

"Hmmm." Ary's 'hmmm' sounded very ominous. "Now Master Mennmin might never trust you on a mission to a muddy planet. Because you might dislike it enough to fall. *I* wrote that I don't dislike anything. Because everything is part of the Force."

"But you dislike some things, don't you?"

"Of course."

"Then Mennmin might think you'll fall, because you tell lies."

"I do not!"

"But you did. You told her that you don't dislike anything, when you do."

"It was only a bunch of stupid questions. It doesn't count."

We all went quiet after that. I was glad I'd entered that I dislike the Dark Side.

Ary couldn't stay quiet for long. "Let's form a secret group."

Dath frowned. "What do you mean?"

"A secret group. We'll meet every week, just us, and we'll have rules, and it will all be a secret."

"Like the Sith," explained TeNarol.

Ary huffed. "No, not like the Sith. We work for the Light Side. It's more... a new padawan's support group. We'll sit together in classes, and do all the puberty things together, and tell each other everything."

"What sort of puberty things?" Dath asked.

"Well," Ary was really warming up, ears twitching, "Everything. We're all going to grow up a lot in the next two years. We're going to get tall and muscly and hairy. The masters never tell us any of the interesting things, so we'll tell each other."

TeNarol nodded, slowly. "That's actually a really good idea."

Dath and I agreed.

"To prove that we're going to do things together, to be in the group we should all get genital supports."

I felt my eyes widen. I hadn't even thought about it yet. I hadn't started growing at all, and I didn't have any trouble being naked under my trousers during physical training. I was hardly going to say that, though. I didn't need any more comments from Ary about my size.

"I have a rule," added TeNarol. He didn't seem to have a problem with getting a genital support. "We all have to tell each other when we get a crush on our master."

"When we what?" I hadn't meant to speak at all, but it slipped out.

Ary sighed and lifted his eyes. "When you get a crush on your master. Every padawan gets one. Don't they teach that on Coruscant?"

I didn't answer. I wasn't going to speak again. Ary would keep talking anyway.

"One day you'll wake up and want to have sex with your master. You won't be able to think or meditate, because you'll be obsessed. If it's really bad, it's like a physical pain, and sometimes you can't even get out of bed."

It sounded perfectly awful. I tried to imagine wanting to have sex with Qui-Gon, but it didn't work. It didn't appeal at all.

TeNarol blew his leaf higher in the air. "Everyone gets it. You will too. Unless there's something wrong with you."

I didn't want there to be anything wrong with me.

Chapter Six

Qui-Gon was turning dirt in a pot when I got back. I decided not to ask. Instead, I concentrated on my own problems.

"Master?"

"Yes?" He tipped in a little more black stuff from a bag.

"How will I decide if I use the Living Force or the Unifying Force?"

"You use both."

"But everyone else is one or the other."

He pushed his hair back with his wrist, smudging dirt on his forehead as he sat back to meet my gaze properly. "Having such strong access to both is a rare and special gift. There is no reason to narrow your focus."

"But everyone else makes a choice."

"You are not everyone else. You are special."

I didn't want to be special. I wanted to fit in. Qui-Gon didn't understand at all.

He smiled, as though it didn't matter that I was abnormal. "I'm almost done here. Why don't you start preparing the evening meal? Your choice."

I think Qui-Gon knew there was something more going on, the way I lingered over the clean up after evening meal, but he didn't say a word, only assigned me extra chores.

It was a year now since we had met, and almost as long since we had agreed I would become his apprentice. Back on Coruscant, during his visits to the creche, we had talked about a lot of things, about Jedi philosophy and what it would be like to live together and about my hobbies, but I'd never talked about anything very private before. It was different with creche masters who'd known me since I was brought to the temple. I didn't want Qui-Gon to think I was a baby, or to laugh at me. What if he told me I was too young? Or if he pointed out that I was too small for one? I would die of embarrassment.

I was wiping the last of the prep area when I felt his hand on my shoulder. "Obi-Wan?"

"Can I get a genital support?"

His eyebrows lifted, but only for a moment. "Of course, if that is what you wish."

"Yes, thank you." Relief calmed me.

He smiled, kindly but not condescending. "You are growing up. I am glad you feel you can speak to me. We will go to acquisitions together tomorrow."

I felt much better after that.

I lay in the deep dark that night, watching the stars as I thought about getting a crush on Master Qui-Gon. I couldn't imagine it. He was very nice of course - I was extremely grateful for how calmly he'd agreed to help me get a genital support - but I couldn't imagine wanting to do... anything like that with him. Or anyone else. There had been classes in the creche, and I knew what grown ups did, but it all sounded very embarrassing.

It was bad enough having Ary peek at me in the unrinals. Why would I want anyone to see me completely naked?

I wondered what Qui-Gon would be like. I couldn't imagine him naked, and I certainly couldn't imagine him doing all that with someone. He was too... clean. And old. And very polite.

Chapter Seven

I could barely eat breakfast the next morning. All I could think of was that this was Genital Support Day. Qui-Gon took his time eating, but he kept sneaking little glances at me. I pretended not to notice.

Finally he finished, and I had all the dishes cleared away before he had even stood up. "Well, Obi-Wan, shall we go to acquisitions?"

I'd never been to aquisitions on Coruscant. The temple there was so big that the initiates had our own department run by our own masters, and they always provided everything before we knew we needed it.

Now that I've seen the Jersari aquisitions department, I can't imagine how immense Coruscant must be. This one was huge. There was a long, long counter, and along it were computer terminals. Most of the terminals were occupied, Jedi skimming through the supply lists and discussing their needs with the staff behind the counter. Behind them, droids darted back and forth, moving clothes and mechanical parts and recreational goods.

I hadn't thought there would be so many people here, and I felt my steps slow. "We could come back later..."

Qui-Gon put a hand on my shoulder and steered me forward. "Lingering will not make you feel better. Look, there's nobody near the terminal over there."

I sighed with relief and hurried my steps.

The computer was quite easy to understand. I keyed through the categories to clothing, humanoid, underwear. My finger hovered over adult, but I reluctantly pressed 'pubescent'. It was hardly likely that Qui-Gon hadn't noticed my age.

And then it became far more difficult. There were hundreds. I hadn't planned on this. There were different sizes and different designs and different materials, and I didn't understand what most of the descriptions meant.

"Do you know what you want, Obi-Wan?"

I shook my head, and hunched down a little further. I could feel surreptitious gazes from every direction. Everybody was telepathic.

Qui-Gon's arm reached past me and tapped a few items. "This should be a good place to start. You can try them on, see which are the most comfortable."

"Where do I try them on?" Suddenly I had visions of Qui-Gon telling me to drop my trousers right there at the counter.

"There are clothing rooms over there." He pointed to the wall behind us, where there were a series of cubicles with curtains. I sent a little thank you to the Force.

I turned to face the counter while we waited, hoping that he didn't think I was being rude. I simply didn't want to talk to him, in case I said something stupid.

Soon the droid returned with a pile of strappy material things. I snatched them up and hurried across to a clothing room without even looking to see what I had.

"I am waiting here if you need me," came Qui-Gon's voice through the curtain.

I didn't answer.

There was a little table to put them on, where I could separate each support out. He had ordered seven different kinds. There was one that was incredibly strappy and complicated-looking. I set that aside immediately. The others were fairly similar to each other in design, but made from different materials. One was a very soft leather, another a sort of stretchy plastic. The rest were made of different sorts of weave, two of those not strappy but with solid material to completly cover your buttocks like what the little children wore while they were being toilet trained. I put those aside, too.

I picked up one of the weaves, and untangled it. I'd never realised they were so complex. There were straps, which seemed to cross over, and a pouch, which was fairly obvious, but I couldn't see how it all went on. I unbuckled my boots and pulled them off, took off my trousers and dropped them in the corner. Then I picked up the support again, arranged it and put one foot in, then the other. And almost fell over.

This wasn't going to work. I would tell Qui-Gon I'd changed my mind - but then Ary and the others wouldn't be my friends. I had to get this done. My face burned before I even knew what I had to do. I swallowed, and asked, "Qui-Gon?" When I put my head around the curtain, he was looking at me patiently. "Would you please help me?"

"Of course."

He slipped around the curtain and took the support from my hands, showed me how to separate the straps before kneeling to show me where to put my feet. He was careful to only look at my feet or my face, for which I was very grateful, and then he excused himself and stepped outside.

The pouch stretched over my penis and balls, which felt nice. Cosy. I jumped up and down a couple of times. Everything stayed where it was, but it always does anyway. It looked different, though. Older. I wondered what I would look like when I had more hair down there. I craned my neck but I couldn't really see the back. I would have to look in the mirror in my quarters.

Quickly I tried the others, which weren't so difficult now that I understood how to put them on. I liked the woven ones the best, especially the one that was almost velvet-soft.

I put my trousers back on and opened the curtain. "I like these." I dangled the soft one.

"We can get a few different sorts, if you like."

I looked at the others, pointed to the other strap weaves. "A couple of those, maybe."

"Colours?"

Colours?

Qui-Gon chuckled. "You can leave that to me." He took the pile and went back to the counter. I put my boots on very slowly, slowly enough that I was just strapping the last buckle when Qui-Gon returned, bag in hand.

We were almost out when we bumped into Dath and his master coming in. "Good morning."

"Good morning."

We hurriedly introduced our masters, and then glanced awkwardly over at the acquisitions desk. I looked back to see Dath looking at my bag.

"I just picked up some new clothes."

Dath shrugged, though he was blushing madly. "That's what we came here for."

"We should be going."

"Me too."

I stepped aside, and then we left, back to our quarters.

Chapter Eight

That following week when we met under the tree, we all had to show that we were wearing supports. We each took a turn to stand on the side of the tree furthest from the gymnasium, then lift our tunics and push the edge of our trousers down over our hips to show the strap.

Ary displayed his proudly. "I'm glad I got mine. It's so much more comfortable to train now."

We all just looked at him.

He seemed to think we were looking to him for wisdom. "If you want to grow up faster, you have to work at it."

"How do we do that?"

"You're a Jedi."

We all waited.

A dramatic sigh. "Exercise. Meditate. I'll show you." Ary got up on his knees, then closed his eyes and made a very serious face. The rest of us passed sceptical looks. He began to wiggle his hips back and forth, making gestures with his hands towards his groin. His furry red ears twitched in time.

I felt my lip pull.

"You have to gather the Force, guide it through your body. It's just like when you help plants grow, except you send it to yourself."

In the edge of my view I could see TeNarol smirking. We both looked at Dath, who was fighting a very small smile. We began to shake.

His gestures grew bigger, and he made humming sounds. "I'm a man. I'm a man, I'm a mannnnnn..."

Dath clutched his stomach and covered his mouth, and TeNarol burst out with a guffaw.

Ary's eyes flipped open and he jumped to his feet, face flaming. "You won't think it's funny when I'm grown up and you all look like babies."

He stalked off, tail twitching behind, but we were laughing too hard to follow.

When I got home, Qui-Gon was sitting in front of his pot of dirt, meditating.

"What are you doing?"

He looked up, and then gestured to a little purple shoot poking up in the middle. "I planted this this morning. I'm feeding it a little extra strength, to help it take root more quickly."

"Oh." Just like when you make plants grow. "Does that really work?"

"Join me."

I sat beside him, and he guided my fingers to touch the dirt.

"Feel the living energy; find that same energy in you. Can you feel it?"

"Yes." It was part of the Force that I drew on every day.

"Share that with the plant. Gently."

I closed my eyes and let the energy go, instead of gathering it as I usually did, and felt it soaked up like water. It felt wondeful. I barely moved as I felt the plant strengthen and grow: in my mind I saw the purple shoot grow fat and stretch upwards, splitting into branches, dark leaves sprouting forth, roots cracking open their casing in search of more.

"Enough, Padawan."

His voice barely penetrated the foilage in my mind, but I heard and slowly withdrew, blinking my eyes open.

And frowned. "It didn't do anything."

"You are not going to grow a jungle overnight. If we could do that, the galaxy would never face another environmental crisis. Look closer. It is standing firmer, and those shoots are slightly darker."

"If I did this every day, would it grow into a tree?"

"Hardly likely, since it is a shrub. But yes, if you took some time every day, it would accelerate the growth."

"Good."

"Do you have any other queries?" he asked, amused.

I took a moment to ponder. "Why did you put it in a pot when there are plants everywhere outside?"

Qui-Gon glared at me. I thought it had been a perfectly valid question, but decided perhaps this was the time to do some study.

That night, when we retired to our separate cubicles, I waited through the sound of flowing water and cloth shifting, until I heard Qui-Gon settle into his bed. I lay very still and counted to one hundred, and then listened again, but there was only the sound of steady breathing.

As quietly as I could, I crept to peer around his wall and make sure that he was properly asleep, then I crept back and kneeled on my floor. I gathered the Force, like I had with the plant, and then began to wriggle my hips and gesture, pushing the energy down.

Chapter Nine

After a few weeks of settling in, we began working on mission case studies. They all seemed impossible. I didn't know where to start, and worst of all, the teacher assigned our groups, so I couldn't even sit with my friends.

The rest of my group chose to do ours on cleaning up a nation after an earthquake. I wanted to do something exciting, like mediations to avert a war, but somehow I'd been stuck with a group of boring humanitarians who prefered fixing things to preventing them.

We had to pretend that we were working as a team to complete the mission. That seemed fine, until we started dividing our roles. Pelcy took charge of caring for the wounded, because he was in touch with the Living Force. Tis was Unifying, so she would coordinate the search and rescue teams. Yaararla was Unifying, and she would keep the peace.

Then they all looked at me.

"Well, which are you?"

"I'm both."

"Then what will you do?"

"I don't know."

Life was just unfair.

Qui-Gon took one look at me when I returned and asked me what had gone wrong. I explained about the group project, and he sighed, and told me to put my classwork away. He washed his hands - he'd been potting more plants - and fetched our robes, but he wouldn't tell me where we were going.

We were going to the shore. A half-hour ride in his new transport put us on the very edge of the sea, and it was a thoroughly different place to the temple. It was grey, a beautiful grey, with large game birds gliding on the winds above the tumbling waves.

Qui-Gon led me out onto the beach, in the wind. "Feel the Force, Padawan. All of it. It is one power."

I only felt wind, strong enough that I had to raise my voice. "Everyone else knows which job they should do. I don't know what I can do."

He rested his arm over my shoulder, his cloak shielding me from the whipping sand. "If you could have as many Jedi as you wanted at your disposal after an earthquake, what work would you assign?"

I thought hard. "We could use more than one knight to heal people."

"Yes."

"The same for search and rescue. And there would be different sorts of peacekeeping. We would want some people to defend from looters and rioting, and different people to reassure the victims, to locate families, to find them food and temporary shelter."

"What else?"

What else? I cast my mind into the disaster. "We could use someone to feed strength to the rescuers, to help them work."

"Keep thinking about earthquakes."

"We would want engineers to strengthen the buildings, in case there were aftershocks. We would want to know if there would be aftershocks, so it would be good if one knight could feel for other geological presssures."

There were hundreds of jobs. I looked up, and Qui-Gon was gazing at me, pleased. "If you limit yourself to one aspect of the Force, you will only learn the skills for some of those duties. Open yourself, and you will be able to do all of those things, as well as the jobs that your friends have taken on. You can do anything. You can do everything. You shouldn't try to narrow yourself when you have so much before you."

"What are you?" I'd never even thought to ask.

He shifted me forward, wrapping his arms around me from behind so that we looked out into the crashing surf. "I draw from both. That is why I chose to be your master. I can give you a broad view of the world."

His arms felt good. "I thought you were my master because Yoda told you to be."

"I do have a will of my own, Padawan," he replied, annoyed.

"You don't like Yoda very much."

Qui-Gon sighed, and gave me a squeeze. "I love Yoda. One day you will disagree with him, and he will turn out to be right, and you will discover how unbearably smug he can be."

"But you don't talk to him."

He straightened in surprise. "I speak to him regularly. If it has been a little less often than usual lately, that will pass. I don't intrude on your time together, because that relationship is your own."

"And because you don't like the way he influences me."

"And because I don't like the way he influences you."

I grinned, leaning back in his embrace. "So you use both."

"Everyone does, but like you, I lean towards the middle."

"I guess it isn't so bad, then."

"Which is exactly what I have been trying to tell you."

We turned and walked back up the flurrying sand, squinting our eyes as it gusted in our faces. It was a relief to step back on the road, away from the worst of it.

I grabbed the handle of the door, but Qui-Gon caught my tunic and yanked me back. "Shake off, Padawan, and knock some of that sand off your boots before you climb in. I don't want sand on the interior."

Chapter Ten

I could feel my forehead wrinkling. "Is that really what Rodarian females look like?"

"Of course it is. It's a medical file. Medical files have to be true."

"But that's even worse than the human female."

"But how do you... where do you...?" Dath stammered. "I wouldn't know where to start."

TeNarol snorted. "I'm only going to have sex with males when I grow up. At least I'd know what to do with a male."

"You'll know when you're there. It's all instinct."

We were holding our meeting at TeNarol's residence, because his master was away on a mission. She was a knight with a specialty for healing, and had direct access to the medical database. That meant that TeNarol's computer had full access to anatomical holos.

We'd looked at most of the species represented at the temple already, though I'd been loudly vetoed when I tried to open a holo for Yoda's species. Not that I wanted to know what Yoda looked like naked, of course, but I was curious.

Most of the ones we'd looked at were at last vaguely the same. They all had interconnecting parts, except the Chkarius, who, it turned out, reproduce asexually, which settled a long-running argument I'd had with my Coruscant friends about the gender of Knight Aktrio, our mathematics teacher.

Most of the females had been daunting, and the Rodarian female was by far the most complicated we'd seen. I was rather with TeNarol and his preference for males, if I ever decided that I wanted to have sex at all. The male's parts were - on most species - poking out in one direction or another and perfectly easy to find.

"They're going to teach us, anyway," Ary announced. "This level we'll start learning intraspecies relations."

"I heard that," said TeNarol. "I thought it was part of the negotiations syllabus."

"It's sex. We're going to learn how to have sex."

Well.

We all paused for a moment of wonder.

"Do you think they'll show us how?" Dath ventured.

"Of course not," replied Ary. "They'll just tell us things that don't make any sense like they always do."

"But I won't be able to understand how to do anything with her," Dath pointed to the Rodarian female, "unless I see it done. You can't explain *that*."

"Maybe you need to be the same species." Ary leaned forward to tap the button for male, and we all blinked. Well.

Dath, Ary and I slowly turned to stare at TeNarol. His shoulders lifted, awkwardly.

"Are you going to look like that?" Dath asked softly, his eyes wide.

"I guess so."

"Wow."

When I arrived home, I found Qui-Gon, freshly-showered, in front of the mirror with a comb. He was examining his wet hair critically. "Obi-Wan - do you think my hair needs more height?"

"What?"

"I'm thinking of changing my hair: perhaps shortening the front and spiking it up. Teasing a little more body into it."

"Why?"

Qui-Gon sighed, and turned to face me. "Was there something you wanted?"

"No."

"Fine. There's a message for you."

"Yoda!" I hurried through to my cubicle, and sure enough, the light was flashing on my comm unit. Yoda had some time available, if I wanted to say hello.

I checked the chrono, and was relieved to see that there was still time. I hooked through almost immediately.

"Padawan."

"Master Yoda! I hope you are well."

"I am. How fare you?"

"Well, Master."

"Taller, are you?"

I grinned, knowing I couldn't possibly have grown noticeably in the few weeks since I last saw him, but Yoda always has something kind to say. "Perhaps."

"You are settled, hmm?

"I suppose so."

"Adjusted to dark nights?"

"I-" I blinked. "I suppose I have." I hadn't even thought of it recently. "I'm rather getting to like the breeze while I sleep, too."

"Mmmm." His eyelids slowly lowered. "Glad, I am, to hear that you are happy."

I bit my lip. I could tell Yoda anything, coudn't I? "Wait a moment."

I put my head around the wall to be sure Qui-Gon wasn't listening. He had picked up a small fan and was using it to dry his hair, combing it up high. I couldn't imagine why he was doing it, but it was a distraction.

I returned to Yoda, and confessed, "I'm wearing a genital support."

He barely twitched his ears. "Know that, I do."

I blushed, mortified. Did that mean everyone knew? "How do you know?"

"In the Force, I feel. You are much grown."

I'd grown? Yoda's eyes sparkled.

Oh. He didn't mean it that way.

We spoke a little about my mission project - we'd done well, after all - and about the new initiates he had begun to teach. He seemed to think they were a good group, though he always said that no year was as good as ours. He asked after Qui-Gon, and I told him that Qui-Gon was doing something strange to his hair. Yoda's nose twitched, and he mutted something about Jersari, but he wouldn't repeat it.

"Like him as master, do you?"

I nodded. "He's really good. I think we're a good pair."

Yoda lifted his chin. "Told him so, I did."

Chapter Eleven

That night I woke to the sound of rustling in our prep area. I tried to close my eyes and sleep, but curiosity pulled me. I pushed out of bed and traipsed out to the main room, scratching my head. "Master?" I squinted at the light.

He looked up from his seat at the table where he was slicing bread. "Obi-Wan. I didn't mean to wake you."

"That's okay."

"Hungry?" He lifted half a sandwich in offer.

I wasn't, but it seemed like fun. We never ate outside mealtimes at the creche. "Yes, please." I sat at the table and took the bread. Yanet paste, not exactly my favourite, but it would do. "Do you do this often?"

"Not very." His new hairstyle was spiking everywhere, not coping well with the half-night's sleep, but his eyes were bright, well-awake. "Sometimes I get restless."

"You mean being stuck here?"

He peered at me extra hard. "I have plenty to occupy my time. I am enjoying the break, and the company. The pace simply takes some getting used to."

"What do you do?"

"I'm sorry?"

I hadn't ever thought about it before. "What do you have to occupy your time, while I'm in lessons? If I may ask."

He smiled. "Of course you may ask. I've been updating cultural files from my last few missions, and doing research. It's a great help to knights in the field when someone can assist in compiling their briefings."

"Oh." I'd never thought of that. It was starting to feel like I'd never thought of anything. How was I ever going to be ready to go out in the field? I looked down and nibbled at my bread.

"Obi-Wan?"

"Should we be doing more things together?" I shrugged. "You're my master now, but the only difference is that we live with each other. When we go on missions, how will I know what to do?"

"Living with each other is the most difficult part." He grinned, until I didn't return it, then he leaned forward and squeezed my hand. "So far, I think it's enough that we have been getting to know each other. If you'd like to do more, we can start revising some of my old missions."

"Yes, please."

He seemed pleased with my eagerness. "What about you? What have you been doing with yourself?"

"Just lessons, and talking with my friends."

"Did Yoda have anything interesting to say?" He took a large bite from his bread.

"He said that he told you that we'd make a good pair," I teased.

Through his food, he retorted, "Yoda lies his little green ass off."

"Master!" but I couldn't help laughing, and Qui-Gon only grinned.

"So," he swallowed, "how are lessons?"

"All right." Sitting there, talking like that felt comfortable, enough that I ventured to go on. "Ary said that we're going to do intraspecies relations soon."

He nodded, and the glint in his eye confirmed that it was exactly what Ary said.

"Will they teach us properly? Or is going to be like it usually is with adults?"

"Confusing and completely uninformative? Quite possibly." He smiled, but added, "If you have any questions, you can always come to me."

Of course. That's why his cheeks were turning red. I raised one eyebrow.

"I was your age, once, Padawan, when the sith roamed the galaxy."

And that was supposed to make me think he understood? "I will." When Yoda outgrew him. I brushed my crumbs into my palm and dropped them in the bin. "Thank you, Master. I think I'll go back to bed."

I put my hand on his shoulder as I passed, and he caught it for a squeeze. "Sleep well, Obi-Wan."

"I will."

Chapter Twelve

As it turned out, weeks passed before we began intraspecies relations, and it started with biology, which was very boring.

There were more pictures - which our group found quite old by now - and lots of diagrams of internal organs.

The Knight in charge, Nyeralia, was a young, prim, human woman, who told us a little about how the most common species mated, and how conception varied, though none of the detail that we needed. Then she went off on a long tangent about the evolution of bugs on some Outer Rim planet. The only real amusement was when we found out that mature Rodarians enter one mating cycle for two weeks of every standard three years, and that was only fun until TeNarol threatened us all with his lightsaber.

At least it put us all on a more equal footing after seeing the Rodarian anatomical holo.

The following week was devoted to cultural variants on sexual morality, which was much more fun. It started as fun, and then just got complicated.

"I don't understand," admitted Yaararla. "I thought that you said a Padawan could ask a Peni soldier to dance."

"A senior padawan may ask a mid-ranked officer within an official capacity, but not with personal intent."

"How do you know the difference?"

"Official requirements will vary between events. You will be briefed, and Peni consider it acceptable to ask for clarification."

"What about worlds where you can't ask," piped up someone else, "like Tesmon. If you didn't know the rules there, and you asked a boy to dance before he had been declared adult, you'd be attacked. Even if you asked someone if you could ask, there would be a scandal."

"You would be well-briefed before such a mission."

"But what do we do if we're on a planet where we don't know? There must be a lot of planets where we don't know all of the rules."

Knight Nyeralia pursed her lips. She didn't like difficult questions. "Occasionally you may be assigned to worlds where our information is thin. When you begin to take missions with your masters, you will learn ways to test lines without asking outright."

All the worlds had so many rules. I couldn't imagine how they could keep track of them all. I couldn't imagine how *I* would keep track of them all. It was beginning to sound frightening.

Light-furred Wookiees weren't supposed to do it with dark-furred Wookiees. Dugs weren't permitted to do it outside. (Why anyone would want to do it outside, I couldn't imagine.) Kern expected every time to be a financial transaction. Some cultures expected monogamy, some expected polygamy, some expected their people to have sex as widely and frequently as possible, and many expected some impossible combination of all of those. There were planets where nothing was acceptable, where everything was acceptable as long as you washed your hands afterwards, where what you could do and how you did it varied on different land masses, or on different days of the month.

About the only thing all the planets had in common was that they were stupid. Why would someone go to a lot of trouble to make a list of positions you couldn't use? Surely if you didn't like something, you would try not to think about it. That's what I do. Or at least, that's what I tried to do.

I couldn't help imagining Qui-Gon doing all of these things. And since I couldn't stop, I tried to *like* imagining Qui-Gon doing all those things, but really I was mostly just uncomfortable. I was awfully glad I'd sat near the back.

Finally, Nyeralia drew the lesson to a close. "Next week, we will be discussing your personal questions. I have opened a data file in your class computer library. You may enter any question you like in the file, so you needn't be embarrassed about asking in front of everyone."

A secret file? I caught Dath's eyes, and we smiled. It was exactly what we needed. We had hundreds of questions.

Dath had managed to take Ary's position against the tree, and was far more talkative for it. "I don't think I'll ever be able to remember everything. I just know that I'll accidentally proposition some chaste religious icon and cause a scandal."

"My master said that she did once," said TeNarol. "On Quorus, she mentioned a liason she'd had on another planet, but on Quorus they don't speak of such things, so she had to hand the mission over to someone else and leave."

I frowned. "They don't admit that they have liasons?"

"Master said they don't admit to anything like that. They believe that procreation happens through the Force."

"But that's stupid."

"That what I said, and Master said I should respect other cultures."

"Even stupid ones?"

"I suppose so."

Ary leaned forward. "Imagine if you got a crush on your master on Quorus. You couldn't even speak of it."

TeNarol frowned. "You don't speak of it anyway."

"I would."

"No, you wouldn't. You can't ever tell your master you have a crush on her, because she can't do anything about it."

"I'll seduce Master FT. I won't be embarrassed at all. It's natural."

Dath looked sceptical. "You can't seduce your master. She thinks you're a child."

"I'm not. And I'll show her. When I'm ready."

TeNarol shook his head in digust.

I slumped back on my hands. "I don't think I'll ever get a crush. I look at him and I just don't see it."

Dath huffed. "At least you've got a human master. Master Od is Neimoidian."

I hadn't thought about that. Suddenly I felt very sorry for Dath.

Even Ary looked sympathetic, ears circling back and forth. "That's terrible. You'll probably be the last of all of us."

Dath looked crushed.

Ary barely paused for breath. "Do you think that if you got a crush while on Xanedes, you could have sex with your master for exercise, just like they do there?"

"No." I was getting tired of Ary. "Your master isn't from Xanedes, so it's not her culture."

"You could put it in the question file for next week," suggested TeNarol. "Knight Nyeralia, may I use other cultures' different moralities to manipulate my master into having sex with me?"

Ary seethed.

Chapter Thirteen

Is it normal to get a crush on your master?

Are you normal if you don't get a crush on your master?

What age should I start having sex?

When will my penis grow to normal human size?

I considered the last question.There were eight humans in the class, three male. That was a good chance that everyone would guess I was the one who'd asked. I wiped it out.

I'd already done my growing exercises, and was curled up in bed, trying to think of questions for class, which was only a few days away. I thought I had hundreds, but could only think of four.

I realised I was shifting. I needed to pee, but was awfully comfortable. And I needed to concentrate on my questions.

I only lasted a few more minutes. It would be worse, waking up in the middle of the night. I felt my way through the dark to the toilet cubicle. Just feeling my way, not thinking loud enough for Qui-Gon to notice, when the door swung open, spilling light in my eyes.

I blinked, blind to everything but Qui-Gon's outline, and then I realised.

"Master." He was naked. His outline had no clothes. I stared at him - at his face, what I could see of it, his eyes shining white in his dark face. His jaw was moving.

"Oh. Obi-Wan. I thought you were asleep."

He was clutching a small towel over his groin.

"I just wanted to use the toilet."

"Oh." He shuffled aside, giving me space to pass, and the light fell across his face, which looked a little panicked.

That felt better. I wasn't the only one. "I..."

"It's all right." He took another step. "Sleep well."

"You too," and I shut the door. I was burning all over with embarrassment, and I could barely pee. I kept looking down, waiting for, well, something. To grow. I'd just been standing an arms-length from my master, my naked master, if I was ever going to get a crush on him, it had to be now. Right now. Right at that exact moment.

But there was nothing. Not a twinge. I only felt awkward. I was never, ever going to want him. I almost felt like crying as I shook off and tucked myself away. I was never going to grow up. Ary and everyone would know I wasn't normal.

I washed my hands, and stepped out - worse, Qui-Gon's light was burning now. I hurried across to my cubicle, but he had been waiting, and was there before I'd even sat down.

"Obi-Wan?" He wore leggings, at least.

"Yes, Master?"

"Are you well?"

"I'm fine."

"If you ever need to talk to me, about anything, you know I am here."

"I know. You said."

"Yes. I wanted to be sure you understood. There are no bad questions."

"I know."

"That is good." He didn't leave, only stood there.

"Master?"

"Yes?"

"Was there anything else?"

He collected himself, and shook his head. "No. No, that is all. Sleep well."

"I will."

He left, and I closed my eyes.

Chapter Fourteen

I arrived in class early so that I could take a seat at the back. I'd finally summoned the courage to enter my questions only that day. I was sure everyone would know which ones I asked.

Everyone else arrived early too, all eager to hear the things they'd most been looking forward to learning in this subject. Nyeralia smiled when she came in to find us all waiting.

"We have spoken about many cultures, but we have not yet discussed our own."

Everyone sat a little further forward in their seats.

"It would be very difficult for the Jedi to demand too high a personal standard of modesty when we deal with such a diverse range of people, but we balance that with knowledge that we must command respect from the most private and heavily tabooed cultures. This has been the motivation in building our own guidelines.

"We prefer to pursue intimate relationships within our ranks. Relations with outsiders are by no means prohibited, but you will find they tend to be unsatisfying and complicated."

Tellis put up her hand. "What if it's just sex? Not a relationship?"

"The same guidelines apply. This is not about restriction, but protection, of us and our work, and you will likely find that it is a choice you make of your own accord."

That made sense. I could do that.

"These are issues you will not be facing until you are adults. For now, you will be encouraged to make explorations in your own time with your Jedi peers. Junior padawans are not permitted to pursue sexual relationships outside the Jedi without the permission of their own master. Relationships are very complicated, and can cause endless difficulties on a mission. It is not a chance worth taking."

Pelcy raised his hand. "What if someone very important wants to have sex with us?"

"Then you should tell them, politely but firmly, that you are not permitted to do so."

"What if they don't listen? Or if they don't believe you? And all of the negotiations depend on staying friends with this person?"

Nyeralia smiled, patiently. "That is why you are accompanied by your master. Your master will intercede, and smooth things over."

"But what if she can't negotiate? If they won't listen to her either?" piped up Egnish. "What if good relations with a government depend on us having sex with the president of the planet?"

She raised both of her eyebrows. "You will find, Padawan, that their good relations with us depend on their not taking advantage of our children."

"What about if your master's not there to intercede?" TeNarol added.

"Then it will be up to you to talk your way out of the situation."

"What if they don't listen? If they abduct you and make you, and you are in mortal danger if you don't have sex?"

Nyeralia threw up her hands. "Then perhaps you may have to submit, but when you return you will have to stand before the Jedi council and tell them in excruciating detail how you were led down this path."

I gulped. I would fight my way out.

"Now, perhaps if we have finished with the non-consensual hypotheticals, we could address something a little more realistic. The most popular questions by far were about master-padawan relationships."

Everyone was immediately silent.

"Yes, it is perfectly normal to be infatuated with your master. No, not every padawan develops such an infatuation. Whether you do, or do not, there is no need to feel shame. Every one of you is different. You have different masters, and different relationships.

"You must understand, however, that it is an infatuation. All of your masters love and care for you deeply, but will not share these feelings."

Yaararla raised her hand. "I knew a padawan who was with her master."

We all stared at Yaararla - Ary's head nearly spun right off - and then at Nyeralia, who looked very uncomfortable. "I'm sure that was a senior padawan."

Yaararla nodded.

"With senior padawans, the situation is more complicated. Suffice to say, that is many years off, and your masters will absolutely, certainly not feel that way now." She looked at us all, and waited, but no one had anything else to ask. "If we have covered all the questions you have about your masters, we can start sorting through the file."

She tapped her screen. "Can I use sex to win over a dignitary in important negotiations?" She looked up, scanning the class, but evidently couldn't decide who'd put it in.

Not me, but I thought it was a good question.

She shook her head. "No, you can't."

Ary raised his hand. "But what if-"

"No. You can't. Next question: Can I accept a prostitute as a gift?" She pursed her lips, considering. "If you are offered a prostitute, you should accept, but you must not have sex with them."

Ary raised his hand. "But what if-"

"No. The next question: Is it okay to go undercover as a pleasure slave?" She sat back, hands folded in her lap. "Where do you children get your ideas about Jedi work?"

We all shrugged. We knew that it didn't happen on *every* mission, but we still wanted to know.

She sighed. "Some of your missions will of course include undercover work." She paused, and we all shifted in our seats. "It has happened, on one or two occasions in the entire history of the Jedi Order, that a knight - a *knight* - has needed to pose as a pleasure slave. There have been hundreds, if not thousands, of occasions when Jedi have posed as kitchen slaves, field slaves, animal handlers, miners, teachers, dignitaries, military leaders, noblemen and sometimes, just sometimes, they perform their duties dressed as Jedi.

"You did understand, padawans, this file was intended to be a place to ask about your personal growth over the next few years? You will be taught everything you need to know for missions in other classes. Are there any personal questions in this file?" She looked at us all, and then tapped through her screen. "Any questions at all?"

Some more tapping.

"Ah, here. What does an orgasm feel like? Well. It is very pleasurable."

"But what does it feel like?" asked Yaararla.

"It feels... good."

We waited.

"It's..." Her hands waved about, and she stared at the ceiling. "It's different for every species." She smiled, as though that answered everything.

It didn't answer anything.

"I know," said Egnish. "Is it like being split into a billion pieces, and having all your atoms rearranged and then put back together so that you feel like a new person?"

Nyeralia opened her mouth, and closed it. "Pardon?"

"I read that in a story."

"I... No. I can tell you that I have had many, and never once have I been thinking of particle physics at the time." She reached for the question screen, and stopped to peer at him. "What sort of stories are you reading?"

There were some more questions, but mostly shuffling through all the inappropriate ones that we most wanted to hear, until I heard, "What age should I start having sex?"

That was my question!

Nyeralia's eyebrows rose a little, and I think she sighed. "There is no 'should' for a question like that. In general, we prefer that you experiment young, in this safe environment, before you are exposed to the complications and temptations of the outside world. However, some padawans prefer to wait, and that is a valid choice."

"So we should start as soon as possible?" asked Ary, eagerly.

"No." She blanched. "You may feel grown up, but your bodies don't know it, yet. Perhaps... a year."

"Oh." Ary's ears drooped.

Inside, I breathed a big sigh of relief. I didn't want Ary making some stupid group rule that we all had to have sex by the end of the week.

Chapter Fifteen

Three days later, TeNarol got a crush on his master. We called an emergency meeting for our group.

"So what's it like?" Ary was practically bouncing. "Did you walk in on her in the washer? Did you get an erection during physical training?"

"No. I just... I was helping her cook."

"Cooking?" Ary sounded doubtful.

"She had powder on her forehead, and I reached up to brush it off, and she smiled."

"Yes, *and*?"

"And then... I liked her."

Ary's ears flattened, annoyed. "You're supposed to tell us everything!"

"I am."

"No you're not. Are you obsessed? Did you spend all night thinking about her? Have you written love poetry?"

"No." TeNarol buzzed in distaste.

"Could she tell?" asked Dath, timidly.

TeNarol looked a little worried at that. "I don't know. She didn't say anything."

"Of course she knows!" exclaimed Ary. "That's what masters do. And they pretend they don't. What else?"

"I don't know. What do you want to hear?"

"*Everything*."

"There isn't really anything else. I just... noticed, I suppose. And then I felt good. She's very beautiful, and very kind."

I just listened, not saying anything. Qui-Gon was kind, but he wasn't beautiful. But then, neither was Dath's master. Qui-Gon was at least nicer to look at than Neimoidian Master Od.

"What did you do?"

"Nothing."

"You must have done something!"

"I finished cleaning up."

"You finished cleaning up?"

"What was I supposed to do? Dissolve in a puddle on the floor?" TeNarol straightened, lifting his chin. "I'm a Jedi. And now I'm an adult. So I acted like it. I helped her finish cooking, and then we ate, and then I cleaned up."

Ary folded his paws, irritated by TeNarol's lack of drama. "I thought I would get it first. I suppose I'll be next."

Dath and I looked at each other. We supposed so, too.

I walked in without saying hello or anything to Master Qui-Gon that evening. Ary was right: he'd be next. And then Dath. And I would never, ever see any appeal in my master at all. Qui-Gon didn't even come to see why I'd slammed in, which I was glad about, even if it seemed a bit rude of him to ignore my distress.

That night, I didn't even do my exercises. I just lay awake in bed, imagining Qui-Gon naked. That wasn't hard, now that I'd seen him. I imagined him outlined in the toilet door, the exact lines of his muscles, his hair loose on his shoulders. I tried to imagine him taking a step back, asking me in. I went in, and he asked me to take all of my clothes off. I did. But that would be cold, so I imagined I was standing on my pile of clothes. Qui-Gon touched me on my chest, and then leaned down, and kissed me. He asked me if I wanted him, and I said yes, even though I didn't, but it was supposed to be a fantasy, so I was supposed to want it. And then he... I tried to imagine how we could do it, with our different heights in the cold cubicle, but it seemed terribly uncomfortable, so then I imagined in his bed. He was lying beside me, desire in his eyes, and his hand was running all over me.

I huffed, and rolled over, thumping my pillow. This was boring.

A week later, everything got much, much worse.

Ary got it.

He was even worse than we expected. He spent our whole group meeting telling us how pretty and perfect and clever she is, and how he wanted to do all sorts of things with her, like sit on a beach and serenade her, and eat dinner by candlelight, and dance to songs by Chris deBurgh. I don't even know who Chris deBurgh is, but it sounds awful.

I was so scared I felt sick. I knew Dath would be next. I knew I would be last. And fear does lead to anger, because I was so mad I didn't even speak to the Force before I went to sleep.

Chapter Sixteen

I didn't stay angry at Qui-Gon for long. I knew it wasn't his fault. Besides, I found out something very exciting.

I was fiddling with his saber, just looking at it really, when I noticed that it had an extra knob. "Master?"

"Hmmm?" He was sitting on the floor, legs wrapped around a pot, playing with his plants again. He had a whole row of them.

"What does this do?"

He looked over, frowning until he realised what I meant. "That's for sparring."

Sparring? "You mean against someone else?"

"Yes." He stood, wiping his hands on a cloth, and sat at the table with me. "The lightsaber was created long before there were blasters, when warriors fought with daggers just as long and Sith carried sabers of their own. That was its intended use."

"I know that. You can fight that way?"

Qui-Gon smiled, pleased with himself. "It's arcane, I know, but there are a few of us who carry on the tradition as a sort of artform."

"Have you ever used it for a mission?"

He chuckled. "No, there isn't much call for that sort of thing, these days, though I do return to Astaria on some state occasions, and join in ceremonial competition."

"Will you teach me?"

He sat back, surprised. "You want to learn?"

"Of course!"

"It isn't easy. Saber duelling uses a very different style to deflecting shots."

"This would be wizard. Nobody else I know can spar."

"I didn't think you wanted to be different from everybody else."

I tried to glare at him, but I was too excited. And it felt really good to see him excited, too.

Dath and I were at his home, working on our engineering project. We'd been allowed to choose our partners this time, and so we'd picked each other. Neither of us much wanted to be stuck with Ary, and even spending time with TeNarol didn't seem like as much fun anymore.

Hardly surprisingly, we spent most of our time taking about our masters, trying to find something appealing.

"Qui-Gon is tall."

"So is Od."

"And he's my species."

Dath grunted unhappily. "Yeah."

I ran my finger down the component plan, comparing it to what we'd built so far. Every pair had a different part of a ship's engine to build, and we'd been stuck with the hyperdrive system manager, the most difficult part of all.

"They're both Jedi masters. That's got to be worth something," suggested Dath.

But we knew lots of Jedi masters. We knew they were supposed to be romantic, mysterious heroes, but they weren't all that exciting to us.

Dath reached past me for a probe. "Od has big eyes."

I tried not to wrinkle my nose. "You like his eyes?"

"I don't know." He looked uncomfortable. "What am I supposed to like about him?"

"If I knew, maybe I would be able to like Qui-Gon."

Dath pushed his dark hair back out of his eyes. He was overdue for a cut. "If we don't get crushes, either of us, we should form our own club."

I smiled, ruefully. "Be babies together, you mean?"

"Nyeralia said that not everyone gets a crush on their master. We could do something else to prove that we're older."

"Like what?"

"I don't know. Something." Dath turned his attention to tightening a binder, and after a while I thought he'd forgotten what we were talking about, but then he looked straight at me. "We could get crushes on each other."

"Each other?"

"Yes. If we don't like our masters by the end of this term, we'll swoon all over each other. That would be even more grown up, because we could actually return it. We could say we're together."

"I suppose." It didn't seem as good, but I was sure I could like Dath easier than I could like Qui-Gon. As long as I didn't have to have sex with him.

Dath smiled. "We can write better love poetry than Ary."

Chapter Seventeen

A few days after I learned about Master Qui-Gon's secret talent, he arranged a private room for us in the gymnasium. He'd brought some game sticks, the ones that children used to hit balls when they were learning basic defence techniques. He was hopping around a little like a child himself.

"You have been taught to feel the shots approach, to let your saber lead you to meet them. Duelling is very different. You face a single blade, brought with force. Most importantly, you have an opponent to read. There is a language in the body of your enemy."

"Like hand-to-hand?"

He nodded. "Like. However, there is a great difference." He stepped very close to me and around, pinning me suddenly in a choke hold, yanking my body close and enveloping me. "Here, you feel me."

I did.

"You are reading my body with your own, to plan your move." And then I was released, and he was reaching for two sticks. He passed one to me and stood two steps back, his own raised in defence. "Here, you see me."

"I watch you for the twitches and leanings."

"Exactly. Always the body: eyes can distract."

He began to lead me through some basic positions, undoing all the light balance I'd been taught, pushing me to brace my feet and grip the saber. Four positions for my feet, six for my hands, over and over.

For all the force, I couldn't feel the grace of sparring from these clumsy stances. Feet second position with hands third, feet third with hands first, feet first with hands sixth, bum out, bum in, Qui-Gon adjusting me and poking me on every variation. If I tried to remember any of this in battle, I would fall over.

It didn't take Qui-Gon too long to realise my enthusiasm was waning. "I know it seems boring, but you need these skills first if you wish to do this well." He really sounded sorry.

"It's okay." He still looked sad, but I had a great idea. "Why don't you show me? I haven't even seen you do this."

His smile was back. "Of course. I even brought my opponent." He rummaged through his bag and came out with a portable holoprojector. "This has some very simple sequences set in." He set it down and took his saber from his belt, twisting the extra knob, and its long green blade flared. Settling with his feet and hands in first position, he said "Opponent Three. Sequence Twenty Two, gamma variation." A figure shimmered into place, featureless with a white saber blade. "Watch, padawan, for the basic positions. Begin."

It was a dance. The two of them seemed to whirl around the glowing sabers, skipping off their heels and ducking as often as they blocked, under and over. Every attack so neatly met I almost thought his opponent seemed solid, so much weight pushed about but all so graceful. The enemy changed angle and Qui-Gon twirled to meet it, tunic tails flying, and then the white saber came low and Qui-Gon somersaulted through the air, to come in from behind, ending it all in a few short blows.

I was gaping. I could never do that.

Qui-Gon rolled his shoulders as he shut off his saber, smiling and breathing harder than he usually did after hand-to-hand. "True skill will take years of work, but if you are dedicated, I could have you sparring this sequence in a couple of years."

"A couple of years?" If I could ever be a little bit as good, it would be amazing. "How old were you when you started?"

He started to reply, and then seemed to realise he had to think about the answer. "I suppose I would have been about your age. I saw a pair of knights sparring, and I tagged after them until one agreed to teach me. I rather hoped she would ask me to be her padawan, but Yoda did instead. I was very lucky; Knight Gryohr was tied to Coruscant at the time, so she continued my lessons."

"I can't imagine you being this clumsy."

"Good. I have to maintain your respect."

A moment later I understood, and I grinned at him. "Can you really teach me to be that graceful?"

He squeezed my shoulder, and said quietly, "I think I can teach you to be better."

Chapter Eighteen

Apart from sparring, the next few weeks were quiet. We didn't do anything at our group meetings, except listen to Ary go on about his master, and watch TeNarol write his master's name in fancy letters like he always did during class. He was getting quite good at it.

Even Ary grew bored of himself eventually, until mostly it was just Dath and I discussing our engineering project.

One day, Ary was particularly quiet. We watched him carefully, but he didn't make a fuss, so we guessed it wasn't too bad. After a while, TeNarol jumped up. "I have to go back early, today. I have an extra flute lesson."

Dath and I decided that we might as well close the meeting, and Ary shrugged, and nodded, but when we stood to leave, he didn't move.

"Ary?"

"I'm going to stay here a while longer." He didn't even look up.

I knelt beside him, and for the first time I noticed his nose was quivering. He was really upset.

Dath and TeNarol were looking at me, TeNarol checking his chrono impatiently. I sighed. "You go."

They smiled gratefully, and hurried away. I made myself comfortable.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing." His nose quivered more.

So I sat there, not saying anything, feeling like an idiot. I supposed I should be trying to find out somehow, or saying nice things to make him feel better, but I couldn't think of anything. So much for being a great diplomat; I couldn't even stop my friend's nose from quivering.

A sudden, long breath seemed to help him, and he smiled a little at me. "Thank you for staying."

"Do you want to tell me?"

"No."

"Should I get your master?"

"No!"

So I sat there some more, until it began to grow dim.

"We should go, Ary."

He didn't respond.

"Master Qui-Gon likes me to check in before the main temple lights come on."

Ary nodded, miserably, and then a spark lit in his eyes. "Can I stay with you tonight?"

"I suppose. Why?"

"I just want to, that's all."

"Are you in trouble?"

"No."

"If you aren't going to tell me, I don't see why I should let you stay."

"Fine then. Leave me here."

I didn't move. I wasn't going to leave him alone, but I was too annoyed to take him home. So I watched nervously as the afternoon waned towards evening. I was just starting to worry that Qui-Gon would come looking for me when Ary took another long breath.

"If I tell you, will you promise not to tell the others?"

"Dath and TeNarol?"

"Yes."

"All right."

He smiled. "You're my best friend, Obi-Wan."

Me?

Then the smile disappeared, and his nose quivered again. "I think I'm in love. It isn't anything like I thought it would be."

"I don't understand."

"I'm in love with Master FT, but she's so important, so special. I'm just a stupid kid to her. I'm not worthy."

"You mean your crush?"

"I don't have a crush. I'm in love. She was ruffling my fur as I went to sleep, and suddenly I wanted her to lie beside me."

"You realised last night?" A horrible burn was starting in my stomach.

He nodded. "I don't want to go home, Obi-Wan, she'll know."

"You lied to us." My words sounded like someone else said them.

Ary nodded again, pulling up his knees and burying his nose between them. "I couldn't be last. You could, or Dath, it would be all right for you. Please don't tell them. They'll hate me."

Ary, who knew everything, and didn't worry about any of it, was pulled into a ball, crying over his master. And he'd lied to all of us.

I stood. "Are you coming?"

He lifted his head, eyes round, and slowly climbed to his feet. "Thank you."

"Don't talk to me," I snapped. "I'm not talking to you."

Qui-Gon didn't mind that Ary stayed, just directed me to lay some extra blankets on the floor. Luckily, he spent dinner making simple talk with Ary so I didn't have to, and he didn't really know him well enough to know that Ary's short, quiet answers were completely out of character. As soon as the meal was finished, I said goodnight to Qui-Gon and we went to prepare for bed, not saying anything.

I didn't even bid good dreams to Ary. I just climbed in bed and let him lower the lights.

I pushed up on one elbow to look down at Ary, who'd curled into a little ball with his tail over his nose.

"This is only tonight. You're not staying here tomorrow."

With that, I turned over and went to sleep.

Chapter Nineteen

Qui-Gon's stick poked me in the side, and I burst out laughing. "You can't do that."

"Of course I can," he grinned. "I am your enemy."

"But I can't block that."

"Then perhaps you should have moved out of the way, which you might have done if you'd been balanced properly."

Qui-Gon had finally grown bored of bringing slow strikes for me to practice my blocking stances, and this lesson we'd started sort of sparring, though at very slow speeds, and I was still only blocking. Qui-Gon had insisted that defence was the most important skill of all, but I couldn't see how you would ever win a fight without attacking.

"Once more?"

He nodded. "Once more, then we should go clean up."

We set to it again, me blocking his strikes and even turning out of the way when he went to poke me. He smiled approval, and drew back. "Well done."

We gathered our things and headed out of the training room, greeting the two knights who had reserved it next. This was almost my favourite part. After every session we collected a dessert from the main dining hall, and found a place to eat it on the grass outside. It was a time just for us, and we'd talked about everything.

Qui-Gon had told me about how he'd never expected to take a padawan until he felt drawn to me, and saw how much I was like him at this age, and he'd told me about lots of his missions, even some where he'd made mistakes. I didn't have as many stories to tell as he did, but he seemed interested when I told him about my friends on Coruscant, and the things I was learning in lessons here.

We sat in the spotty shade from a Ypla tree, me with a small cake and Qui-Gon with a col-rippled cream ice. For a while we just ate, and then Qui-Gon casually said, "You haven't been seeing much of your friends lately."

"I spent all yesterday afternoon with Dath."

"What about TeNarol and Ary?"

I shrugged, and licked the spoon. "We don't have much in common."

"Anything in particular?"

He knew exactly what he was asking. I hate that. But he waited, because we'd sort of turned this into a time when we told each other everything, and he knew I'd own up.

I took another mouthful of cake anyway. He could wait, at least. And he did.

Finally, I put my spoon in the bowl. "I don't think I'm ever going to grow up."

He sighed. "You shouldn't rush things. The Force flows in its own time."

"What if the Force doesn't like me?"

He put his bowl aside, a worried look on his face. "Obi-Wan, you should never say such a thing."

"Then why-" I barely caught myself, had completely forgotten who I was talking to.

"Obi-Wan?"

I just sat there like an idiot, my mouth shut tight. I couldn't decide which was worse, my embarrassment or the sad look on his face.

"You can speak to me about anything, Obi-Wan."

He'd hardly understand. He didn't... "Did you..." I almost stopped, but he looked so hopeful that I summoned the courage to continue. "Did you get a crush on Master Yoda?"

His lips made a silent 'Ah.' "Yes, I did."

"*Really*?"

"He's an amazing Jedi, rather an object of awe for an awkward boy like I was."

Qui-Gon would never have been awkward, but I nodded anyway.

"I think I'm beginning to understand." He reached over to thumb my braid. "Are you experiencing new feelings, Obi-Wan?"

What?

"No!" He made that sad face again. "I'm sorry, Master. I wish- I'm sure that you're... very... attractive to people your age, but I don't feel anything."

He went a little pink, and his lips pressed together. "Oh."

"I'm sorry. I'm sure it's just me."

He just nodded, and his lips went tighter, and he pressed his fingers over his mouth.

I felt very small. "Am I normal?"

"Oh, Padawan," he said in a strained voice, "Trust me, you are unique." And he pulled me into a hug.

I think he was shaking, and I felt really bad. I never wondered how he might feel to learn that I didn't want him, but he held me anyway, ruffling my hair with his fingers.

I gave him an extra hug before I went to bed that night, to show that I liked him very much, even if not that way. He squeezed me back and let me go with a smile.

I really meant it, but I still couldn't help trying to imagine him dancing with me on Peni. It didn't do me any good, but I didn't mind too much as I drifted off to sleep.

We were laughing. I couldn't remember why, but Qui-Gon and I were stretched out on the grass together, giggling over our flavoured ice. I was giggling; he had a more dignified chuckle, and the edges of his eyes were wrinkling.

I loved that. He always smiled more with his eyes than his mouth. He saw me watching, and then he leaned forward, and he kissed me.

I stared at him in shock, but he only smiled more, and kissed me again, and then I was being gathered against his body, and his hands were running all over me. I felt warm, and getting warmer, as his lips pressed against mine, his moustache strangely soft. I kissed back, and I began to push against him, getting warmer and warmer, and I wanted to press against him more, and harder...

My breathing was loud in the dark. I felt wonderful, more relaxed than I could ever remember, as though all my bones had disappeared. I stretched my fingers, and realised they were curled in my pants. They were wet, and sticky, and very warm.

I pulled at the wet fabric, confused, and then I realised. Oh.

I grinned in the dark. Poor Dath.

But I wasn't the last. I was normal. And I had a beautiful master.

Yep, that's it. I'd love to hear from you, about how I've dredged up your childhood and sent you back to therapy, or how Judy Blume changed your life, or how I've destroyed Qui/Obi forever for you. You can tell me here: drsquidlove@virginqueen.com.

More Squidfic can be found at
The Lecherous Tentacles of Dr Squidlove
http://members.iinet.net.au/~tentacles/squidfic.html