Master Apprentice Archive And Now For Something Completely Different, Part F: A Jedi With Three.... Quick search:

Category: Humour/parody

Rating: PG for naughty language, necking and lingerie. (Q/O, Y/JJ/CT)

Warnings: Not really, unless you count the non-Q/O pairing. WEG

Disclaimer: George Lucas and Lucasfilm Ltd. own all the characters. I'll give them back, honest!

Archive: Master and Apprentice and my page http://www.geocities.com/master_fishgoat/. If you want it, ask.

Feedback: Send loc's to master_fishgoat@yahoo.com

Summary: The AoTC gang get to meet Monty Python this time.

Notes: Darn it, kaiburr! You're such a bad influence. A continuation of her series "And Now For Something Completely Different", Parts A- E. As always, for Yogs.

"'Strewth!" is short for "it's the truth!"

[Cut to Master Yoda sitting in front of a fountain somewhere in the Jedi Temple.]

Yoda: And now, something completely different there is, three lightsabres a Jedi has!

[Cut to council chambers where the Host, a tall, dark-skinned humanoid named Master Mace Windu, is about to interview a handsomely bearded young man named Knight Obi-Wan Kenobi.]

Mace Windu: I have with me Knight Obi-Wan Kenobi who... (pause) Knight Kenobi, I understand that you - um - as it were... (pause) Well let me put it another way. Erm, I believe that whereas most Jedi have - er - one... One.

Obi-Wan: Oh, sure, you mean my Padawan, Anakin. We Jedi can only have one, you know.

Mace: Ah, no, well, er, Knight Kenobi. Erm, are those trousers comfortable?

Obi-Wan: Fine, yeah, fine.

Mace: Knight Kenobi, er, vis à vis your... (pause) dick.

Obi-Wan: I beg your pardon?

Mace: Your dick.

Obi-Wan: What?

Mace: Er, your dangly bits. (whispers) Cock. Your groin.

Obi-Wan: What's that?

Mace: (whispers) Your genitals.

Obi-Wan: (smiles brightly) Oh, my one-eyed trouser snakes!

Mace: (hurriedly) Sshhh! Well now, I understand that you, Knight Kenobi, have a... (pause) 300% bonus in the region of...what you say....

Obi-Wan: (amused) I've got three dongs.

Mace: Yes, yes, excellent, excellent. Well, we were wondering, Knight Kenobi, if you could see your way clear to giving us a quick... (pause) a quick visual... (long pause) Knight Kenobi, would you take your trousers down.

Obi-Wan: What? (to cameramen) 'Ere, get that away! I'm not taking my trousers down on holovision. What do you think I am?

Mace: Please take them down.

Obi-Wan: No!

Mace: Now, er look, er Knight Kenobi. It's quite easy for somebody just to come along here *claiming*... that they have a bit to spare in the Jedi-weapon-of-choice department. The point is our viewers need proof.

Obi-Wan: I've been on Corellian Radio.... [Mace reaches for Obi-Wan's pants. Obi-Wan slaps his hand away.] Get off! Master Qui-Gon Jinn knows I've got three lightsabres.

Mace: (dubiously) How?

Obi-Wan: We go bongoing together.

[Cut to shot of a much younger Padawan Kenobi and an older, taller, and more gorgeous man in a bongo, floating somewhere deep under the sea on Naboo, necking furiously. The taller Jedi reaches into Knight Kenobi's pants, starts, looks down, then looks up at the camera.]

Qui-Gon: 'Strewth!

[Cut back to Master Yoda)

Yoda: (sitting in hot tub, nude, drink in hand) And now, something completely different there is. Three lightsabres a Jedi has.

[Cut to Council chambers again.]

Mace: Good evening, I have with me Knight Obi-Wan Kenobi, who... Knight Kenobi, I understand that you, as it were - well let me put it another way... I believe Knight Kenobi that whereas most Jedi... (confused pause) Didn't we do this just now?

Obi-Wan: Er ... yes.

Mace: Well why didn't you say so?

Obi-Wan: I thought it was the Outer Rim version.

[Cut back to Master Yoda sitting confidently in leather and lace in front of his house in the Dagobah swamp.]

Yoda: And now something completely the same there is - three lightsabres a Jedi has. (com unit beeps - he answers) Yes? ... Oh, did we. (puts com unit back on garter belt, looks at camera) And now something completely different there is. Three Gungans a Jedi has.

Off-Screen Voice: He's not here yet, Master!

Yoda: (hopefully) Two Gungans?

[Captain Tarpals and Jar-Jar Binks, cuffed and gagged, peek out of the windows of Yoda's hut.]

Yoda: Stay in there you will until you I call!

[The Gungans slink back inside.]

[END]