And Now for Something Completely Different Part E: I'm a
Jedi Knight
by Kaiburr (kwanyin4@aol.com)
Archive: master_apprentice, OKEB, and anyone else that wants
it, just ask.
Category: humour/parody
Rating: PG13
Warning: I have far too much free time.
Summary: The Phantom Menace meets Monty Python
Dedication: To my Master, Eliz-mar Von; to Alaric, my TPM
humour inspiration, and to Alex, Evermore, and Ruxandra, who
gave me The Haunting info.
Disclaimer: George Lucas owns TPM (and almost everything else)
and a bunch of English blokes own Monty Python.
Feedback: Yes please. From monosyllabic up. Whether you liked
it, can recommend an excellent therapist, or want me to stop
the Python crossovers before your brain turns to Spam....
< DR. DAVID MORROW, who bears an uncanny resemblance to Liam Neeson, sits,
talking into a tape recorder.>
DR. DAVID MORROW: ... And the third subject, Nell Vance, is showing
increasing signs of fear-induced psychoses...
< frustrated, MORROW throws down the tape recorder and stands.>
MORROW: I never wanted to be a psychologist, writing up research grants and
asking people about their dull childhoods! I wanted to be... a Jedi Knight!
Flying from planet to planet battling evil and getting laid. Meeting the
Wookie, the Mon Calamari, those drooling Hutts. My magnificent lightsabre,
and that annoying little muppet, Yoda.
< a crew member comes from off-camera to help MORROW/QUI-GON into a Jedi robe.
They also hand him a lightsabre, then leave.>
MORROW/QUI-GON: With my padawan < OBI-WAN comes on, gazing up at QUI-GON with
hero worship/lust in his eyes.> by my side, we'd sing, sing, SING!
< singing>
I'm a Jedi Knight and I'm okay
The Force will be with me every day
< the JEDI COUNCIL appears and sings the chorus.>
JEDI COUNCIL:
He's a Jedi Knight and he's okay
The Force will be with him every day
MORROW/QUI-GON:
I meditate,
I mediate
I frustrate the council who
can't stand my maverick attitude
but they're just full of poodoo.
JEDI COUNCIL:
He meditates,
he mediates
He frustrates the council who
can't stand his maverick attitude
but they're just full of poodoo.
He's a Jedi Knight and he's okay
The Force will be with him every day.
QUI-GON:
I teach Obi-Wan
I protect the Queen
I buy parts in Mos Espa
I put on women's clothing
and hang out in cantinas.
JEDI COUNCIL:
He teaches Obi-Wan
He protects the Queen
he buys parts in Mos Espa
He puts on women's clothing
and hangs out in cantinas
He's a Jedi Knight and he's okay
the Force will be with him every day.
QUI-GON
I fight the Sith,
I wear high heels
suspenders and a bra
I wish I'd been a girlie
Just like Master Yoda!
JEDI COUNCIL
He fights the Sith
He wears high heels
suspenders and a bra...?
< their singing trails off as they realise just what the lyrics are.>
OBI-WAN: Oh, Master! And I thought you were so BUTCH! <runs off camera.>
****THE END (or is it?)****
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