Master
Apprentice  Archive
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At first light, Qui-gon heard steps outside. Ben opened the door without knocking and entered. Ben stripped, disappeared outside to shower, reappeared to dry and dress, packed his bag, all without comment.
They made their way down the trail to the road, and caught a transport after a short wait. All too soon they were at the port, where a red Republic cruiser waited.
The flight to Coruscant, which could have taken days on a low-end freighter, took only hours with the swift diplomatic courier. Ben showed little interest in their transport or anything else.
At the orbital station above Coruscant, they switched to another, smaller craft that would take them to the Temple.
On their descent, Ben broke his silence. "Before we arrive, there's something I want to say."
Bracing himself for another round of vituperation, Qui-gon nodded.
Ben said, "I want to apologize for what I said yesterday. I was angry and afraid, and I took it out on you unfairly. My unpredictable Force abilities aren't your fault, and you're fulfilling your duty to the Council in reporting to them. With the other Qui-gon, I was never caught in between him and his responsibilities to the Jedi, because by the time we came together, the Order was gone. But I'm sure that he would have handled this situation much as you did. I'm sorry that I insulted you. Your loyalty to the Order is paramount, as it should be. I just wanted you to know that I honor that, and I don't hold it against you."
Qui-gon said, "Do you realize that, in the course of our acquaintance, I harassed you from your home on Naboo, invited myself to visit against your wishes, followed you when you didn't want to be followed, reported on you secretly to the Council without your knowledge, discussed your future with others without your approval, and agreed to haul you back to the Temple with or without your consent? And throughout, you have apologized to me more times than I can count. What do you think that says?"
Ben gave his signature half-smile. "That I have a self-esteem problem?"
"This time I want to be the one to make an apology. My intentions were good, but the effects have not always been so."
Ben waved a hand loosely in dismissal.
Qui-gon continued, "I want you to know that I won't abandon you in this. I'll advocate for you to be allowed to make whatever choice is right for you. I'll support your decisions, whatever they are. If you want to leave the Temple, you can leave. I'll go with you. Or if you prefer me to stay away from you, I'll do that. I can't promise that I'll never check up on you, because I will, but I won't intrude on your life again without your permission. I promise you this."
Ben was silent for a moment, then commented, "I doubt the Council will approve of one of their Masters playing nursemaid."
"The Council had best get used to my new division of loyalties. My commitment to you, whether as a friend or as a lover, comes with responsibilities that I will not shirk. I will not."
"Let's neither of us make promises when the future is so uncertain," said Ben, his mask firmly in place.
Exiting the small shuttle on the landing platform, Ben hesitated. "I shouldn't walk about the Temple looking like this, it would cause questions." He dug in his pack and brought out a long piece of cloth that he wrapped about his head and neck, leaving only his eyes visible. Qui-gon felt Ben's shields become fully opaque.
They got a few inquisitive glances from initiates who were too young to politely hide their curiosity, but otherwise no one interacted with them as they moved towards the lifts that led to the Council chamber level. Qui-gon was so absorbed in monitoring his companion's shields that he completely missed the approach of one person in particular.
"Master!" Obi-wan's voice rang out. Qui-gon turned to be greeted with Obi-wan's smiling face and quick embrace. At the edge of his vision, Qui-gon saw Ben edging away from them, his face downturned, hiding his eyes.
"The Council said that you were returning today, Master. Where have you been?"
"Several places," Qui-gon said. "While I'm glad to see you, Obi-wan, I need to meet with the Council immediately."
Obi-wan looked at the anonymous figure waiting for Qui-gon and said, "Of course, don't let me delay you. We'll talk later."
"Yes, I'll find you," said Qui-gon, moving away down the hall, Ben following in his shadow.
In the empty lift, Ben said, "That was no accident. It was arranged."
"Quite likely," agreed Qui-gon.
"So it was a test? Of him, you or me?"
"I suspect it was a subtle message from the Council that things have changed. They would never have had Obi-wan meet you accidentally if they didn't want it to occur."
Ben digested that.
The lift doors opened on the Council level.
They entered the room side by side and stood under the regard of the twelve assembled beings.
Ben slowly unwound the headcloth to bare his face. Several of the newer members, who had not been on the Council when Ben had first appeared, made small expressions of surprise.
"Ben Altern," said Mace. "It's been a long time since you stood here last."
"Yes," said Ben. "First I wish to apologize to the Council for my not informing them of my returning Force abilities. It didn't occur to me that they would be of any interest to you."
"Unusual Force abilities are always of interest to us," said Adi Gallia. "We thank you for coming here to see this matter resolved."
"What will be the process, Masters?" Ben said, for all the world as if he were asking about the weather.
Mace replied, "You'll go to the Healers for evaluation, in which some of us will take part. It shouldn't be physically painful, although it will require a loss of privacy, which may distress you. You and the full Council will be told the findings, and we will discuss the next steps. Is this satisfactory?"
"It sounds very sensible. Should I report to the Healers now?"
"Please do. And for the moment, continue shielding and covering your face in the common areas. It will prevent questions."
Ben turned to go, but Qui-gon seized his hand. "I'll come with you."
"No, it's all right. I'm doing better than I expected, actually. And the Council has more questions for you, I'm sure. Stay here. I'll see you later."
Ben retrieved his hand, rewrapped his headcloth, and exited. Qui-gon stared after him, uncertain if he should let him go, but mindful of his promise of only a few minutes past, that he would respect Ben's decisions.
"Now Master Qui-gon Jinn," said Mace, "please start at the beginning."
Qui-gon talked, the Council asked interminable questions, and he answered. After a short time, he sensed his bond with Ben narrowing, attenuating, to where he could barely sense the other man. Then the faint touch pinched off. He stopped in mid-sentence.
"Yes?" asked Mace.
"I can't feel him anymore."
"That's necessary for the procedure," said Mace. "They need to examine him without the distraction of a new bond. A bond that you have yet to explain to us."
The back-and-forth continued.
In the middle of a question from Ki-Adi-Mundi, a lancing pain bisected Qui-gon's skull. Ben. Something had happened to Ben.
He bolted for the Healer's wing, Council members trailing in his wake.
Following the siren call of his headache, Qui-gon burst into an observation room filled with alarmed Jedi. The window into the other room, where the subject - it must be Ben - was located, was a flat gray, impossible to see through.
A senior Healer began talking very rapidly. "Master Jinn, we have no information yet. We thought he was appropriately unconscious, the scan was underway, moving into deeper and deeper levels, then something happened. Now we can't access the room, visually or with the Force, so we have no idea what's going on. He was alone at the time, as is normal for the procedure, but we don't know if -"
"He's still there," said Qui-gon. "I'll go in."
"The doors are blocked, sealed somehow -"
"I'll go in. Don't follow me."
Placing his hand on the closed door, Qui-gon sent a wordless plea into the Force, searching for Ben--
--and the door opened.
He stepped inside.
As he suspected, it was a Force emanation, similar to the one he had witnessed with Ben before, but stronger, dauntingly powerful. The energy was opaque as dense smoke, swirling around him. Ben was somewhere nearby. Qui-gon eased forward step by step until a gurney emerged from the gloom, Ben lying on it, unconscious. Qui-gon touched the other man's hand --
--and found himself standing on a barren plain under a low-hanging, leaden sky.
The light was strange. The only object on the landscape was a large mass about stone's throw from him. At first he thought it was inanimate, then he heard it breathing.
It was a huge beast, vaguely like a rancor in size and shape. The great blocky head hovered several human-heights above the ground. Small red eyes regarded him unblinkingly. Clawed hands clenched and unclenched.
He felt the reassuring weight of his lightsaber on his hip but made no move. The beast continued to stare. He felt no hostility from the creature, only a protective watchfulness.
He noticed a small bundle in between the enormous feet, and realized it was Ben.
He took the risk of a step forward. The beast watched. Another step, then another, and he walked directly under the heavy jaw and under the roof of the creature's body.
He knelt next to Ben. The smaller man was lying naked in the dirt, his skin mottled with odd marks that might be bruises. He gently touched the bare shoulder.
Ben's eyes opened but were rolling erratically in their sockets.
"It's you," Ben said tonelessly.
"Yes, it's me."
"You left me."
Meaning that he left Ben to the Healers, or meaning the other Qui-gon who left Ben by dying? Logical facts were no use when contained inside a dream sequence. It was more important to speak to emotional and iconic realities. He spoke the truth for either Qui-gon: "I'm sorry I left you. I didn't want to. I'm here now. Ben, who is--your companion?"
Ben said, "It's protecting. It's keeping them away. Keeping me away from them. I have to stay away. Have to hide."
"Why do you have to hide?"
"It's a secret. No one can find out. Can't tell. Can't tell. The Dark is coming. Protect the Jedi. If anyone finds out, the Jedi will die and the universe will end."
"Ben, it's all right now. The Jedi are safe. You don't have to keep the secret anymore."
Ben hesitated. Qui-gon suspected the other man was considering, but he couldn't sense the actual thoughts behind Ben's inner shields. "No. No. Not safe. The Dark is here. They think it's here. It's with me. Have to keep away. Keep it away from them."
Qui-gon said, "Ben, no. There's no Darkness here. You channeled this Power, but it's not Dark."
Ben whispered, "I don't know, I don't know. Maybe it's in me. Maybe it's coming out. He touched me, he, he put it inside me. Hurts, it hurt. It's coming out. Stop it, have to stop it."
The beast above them growled, a thunderous rumbling.
Qui-gon said, "No, no, Ben. You were touched by the Dark but you didn't succumb to it. Be easy. What's in you won't hurt anyone."
Ben's eyes fixed on him suddenly, through slitted lids, his voice hostile. "No. You're not him. Qui left me and he never came back. You're lying. You're trying to trick me." Ben clumsily tried to move, to crawl away. "I won't listen to you. I have to stop it. I know how to stop it."
Qui-gon had a sudden flashback, to a planet called Bandomeer, where a twelve-year-old boy named Obi-wan Kenobi prepared to trigger the deadly explosives in his prison electro-collar, in order to save others' lives at the cost of his own.
"No, Obi-wan, Ben, don't do this, don't -"
The monster roared, earsplitting. The scene cracked like a mirror.
Qui-gon stood in the infirmary room. The Force smokestorm was gone. Ben lay unmoving, his hand cold in Qui-gon's grip.
He touched Ben's throat, searched for a pulse. He couldn't find one.
"No. No!" he shouted, shaking Ben roughly by throat and shoulder. "This isn't the answer. Don't do this!"
The body lay slack. Qui-gon could feel an energy sink under his hands, Ben's life seeping away. Behind him, Healers burst into the room, swarmed around the bed.
Qui-gon didn't release his hold. Desperate, he said, "Ben, listen to me. I didn't lie to you. Stay with us. Ben, I love you. Don't do this."
There were only moments left. Qui-gon dropped his shields completely and hurled himself into Ben's fading consciousness.
He dove down into a blue immensity. Further and further down. The blue darkened to dusk, darkened to midnight.
He saw a pale speck in the deep below him. The speck grew as he approached. Ben, floating in a loose fetal position.
Qui-gon grabbed Ben's arm and pulled, halting their descent. Just out of reach below, he saw another body, more shadow than solid, face upturned, watching them. He recognized that face. Xanatos, dark hair floating like a cloud.
Qui-gon rotated, turning his feet downwards, and pushed upwards. Looking back, he watched Xanatos' ghostly image recede in the distance, making no move to follow, only watching as they left him behind.
As they ascended, Ben opened his eyes, dazed, weakly swimming, trying to aid their rise.
The blue became lighter, a glowing turquoise, and Qui-gon lifted his free arm and reached for the light -
He was back. The Healers were crowding around, curt and urgent. He saw Ben's head turn, heard his voice saying, "Qui. Qui."
"I'm here," he said, not knowing if Ben was asking for him or the other Qui-gon, not caring.
"He needs to rest," one of the Healers said in rebuke.
Ben was fighting to keep his eyes open, slurring his words. "Want to tell-- --jumped--heard you but couldn't stop then--sorry--wanted..."
"It's all right," said Qui-gon. "Rest now."
Ben protested weakly, "No, want to tell--tell you--Qui--I--"
The Healers' combined Force compulsion and the drugs took effect. Ben went under.
A Healer nudged Qui-gon to escort him from the room, and Qui-gon went, reluctantly.
In the next room, most of the Council waited, their expressions unreadable. For all Qui-gon could tell, they might have already made their decision about Ben, based on the last few disastrous minutes. An unstable personality would never be endorsed in any role with the Jedi.
"Safe, he is," said Yoda. "Quiet, let your mind be."
With the crisis was over, the impact was beginning to sink in. Ben had tried to suicide. He had almost died. They would have lost him. Qui-gon would have lost him.
There was no death, there was only the Force. Yet the thought of what almost happened tore at him.
"Calm," said Yoda.
Qui-gon said, "He wanted to protect the Jedi. His unconscious knew that we considered him to be a threat, and he trusted us over his own survival instinct."
"Know we do. Heard we did," said Yoda.
Qui-gon said, "The first conversation that I ever had with Obi-wan, with Ben, when I first rejected him as a potential padawan, he told me that he wouldn't turn. He won't turn, Counselors. He would die first."
"You're lucky he didn't kill you both," said Mace. "You followed him too deep, Qui-gon. We aren't sure how you both made it back. It was an impressive use of the Force, whatever you did."
"We're supposed to be together," said Qui-gon. "If the Council won't permit him to be trained, if he can't stay here, then I'll go away with him. I won't train him against the Council's directive, but I'll keep him safe."
"You'd be abandoning your life's work," Mace warned.
"That's all right," said Qui-gon, and realized that he meant it. "We'll make a life outside of the Order. Being a Jedi isn't the only way to serve the Light."
"Projecting into an uncertain future, you both are," chided Yoda. "Patience we all must have."
Mace looked faintly surprised at being reprimanded by another Council member, even if it was the venerable Yoda. Glancing back at Qui-gon, he asked, "Are you able to continue discussing his situation with us?"
"Yes," he said. It was important to him to represent Ben fairly to the people who would judge him. "May we do it here? I'd like to stay close."
"Certainly," said Mace.
After the Council session ended, Qui-gon continued to wait. He could sense Ben's nearness but nothing of his state of mind.
After some hours, Mace entered the room. "He can leave now."
"What next?" asked Qui-gon.
Mace said, "The Council will discuss it and call you both when it's time. Go easy with him, let him recuperate. He's physically and emotionally drained. Nothing serious, just a natural aftereffect of the examination and his near-death experience. He may behave strangely."
As he finished speaking, Ben entered, walking unsteadily, a Healer hovering at his side. "Master Jinn is used to strange behavior from me. If I behaved sensibly, I doubt he'd recognize me."
Qui-gon, relieved that Ben could make even a weak joke despite the exhaustion in his face, gripped the shorter man's elbow in greeting and reassurance, uncomfortable with any more of a show of affection in front of observers.
The Healer said, "He's shaky on his feet. He needs something to eat. And water, he's dehydrated."
Ben slowly raised his scarf from around his neck and began to wrap it around his face.
Mace said, "The Council says you are welcome to walk about the Temple without any disguise, as long as you're prepared to handle people's reactions."
"What should I tell those who ask?" Ben inquired.
"Whatever you like. Including the truth. I'll see you both tomorrow," and Mace strode out.
"The Council may be fine with it, but I'd rather not face further interrogations right now," said Ben, pulling the cloth incompletely over his features.
"Where do you want to go?" asked Qui-gon.
"Whatever the arrangements are for Temple visitors, I'm sure they'll be fine for me. I'd rather not stay here in the infirmary."
Qui-gon volunteered, "You're welcome to stay with me."
Ben awarded him a smile. "I didn't want to presume. But then I wondered if I should presume, and you'd be insulted if I didn't. Then I decided that I was too tired to worry about it."
"Come home before you collapse," said Qui-gon.
"Please help me shield," said Ben. "I couldn't kept out a crèche child right now."
They took the most direct route to Qui-gon's quarters. On the walk, Qui-gon commed for a simple meal to be delivered.
The Jedi palmed open the door and waved his guest inside.
Ben sat heavily with a sigh. Qui-gon busied himself making tea. A chime heralded the arrival of their meal: soup, bread, fruit.
They ate on the couch.
Ben revived as the food reached his stomach. His color improved, he sat up straighter. "Thank you for the rescue today."
"You're welcome. Enough about that. How do you feel?"
"Better. Wrung out, but otherwise fine."
"I'm glad," said Qui-gon, and was met by an answering smile from Ben and a warmth through their bond. Qui-gon felt a palpable sense of relief that Ben was not only alive, but the bond was intact, and Ben seemed in surprisingly cheerful spirits.
Ben sensed his relief and took Qui-gon's larger hand in his own. "I'm still here. We're both still here, despite my recent temporary insanity. You were correct about many things, as usual. You should feel vindicated."
Qui-gon opened his mouth to reply, but Ben raised their clasped hands and began kissing the knuckles, and Qui-gon forgot what he was going to say.
Ben murmured, "I said some harsh things to you."
"Some of them were deserved," he said, watching Ben's mouth moving against his hand. He leaned instinctively towards Ben, and the younger man met him halfway, mouth open and welcoming. Happiness coursed along the bond, dancing lightly from mind to mind.
Qui-gon heard the sound of a door opening and raised his head.
Obi-wan stepped into the room and froze, taken aback at the sight of Qui-gon and Ben entwined on the couch. "Oh, I'm, I apologize, the Council told me -- "
Untangling himself from Ben, Qui-gon said, "Hello, Obi-wan."
"My print still opens the door, I didn't think to ring, I should go --"
"No," said Ben unexpectedly. He stood up for emphasis, looking disheveled but otherwise purposeful. "I'd like to talk with you, if you don't mind," Ben continued.
Obi-wan hesitated at the door, and glanced at his former Master.
"Qui-gon, could you give us privacy?" asked Ben.
"Of course," he said, belatedly rising from the couch, surreptitiously straightening his clothes in the process. "Take all the time you like." He walked past the wide-eyed Obi-wan, patting the Knight's shoulder in passing, but whether for Obi-wan's reassurance or his own, he wasn't sure.
Hours later, Qui-gon was still hesitant to go back to his rooms. He would have been welcomed for the night by any of several friends, but he didn't feel the need to sleep, only a curiosity to find out what occurred after he left.
He had met his other self in dreams, and that had been disconcerting enough. Hard to imagine meeting oneself in the flesh and bone.
It was past midnight when Obi-wan found him in the gardens, and came to sit comfortably by him.
"We're through talking for the evening," said Obi-wan. "He's waiting for you."
"How did it go? How are you taking all this?"
"It went well. How am I taking this? I feel grateful, mostly. That I've had such a good life. I have everything I've ever wanted, when it could have gone so differently. His experience is proof of that. And he's-- surprising."
"How so?"
"He's, I don't know. He's-- I can sense that he feels great fear and pain, but he's found a way to live with it somehow. I can't imagine being that way, after having suffered so much, yet in a way, he is me, so I must have that potential as well. It's very humbling."
"Yes, I find him rather surprising and humbling too."
"He has a wicked sense of humor."
"He does?" That wasn't a dominant characteristic of Ben, from Qui-gon's perspective.
"You probably haven't seen it in full swing. It sounds like you two have had an emotionally intense few days together. He admits it's been difficult. But yes, he's very funny, actually. Not in the sense of making jokes, but because he says things that are absolutely true, in the most deadpan way."
"Such as?"
"Well, he said that your relationship with him is the perfect congruence of your desire for a companion, your search for a new life project, your platonic love for me, and your fondness for strays and pathetic lifeforms. And that seems about right."
"Ben's not pathetic," Qui-gon protested.
"Perhaps pathetic is too strong a word. But it is true that the thing that drew you to him was your suspicion that he needed your help. He says your relationship wouldn't have proceeded as quickly otherwise."
There was an element of truth in that. Qui-gon decided not to debate it. "Do you have anything you wish to ask me about my relationship with Ben? The nature of our relationship?"
Obi-wan looked at him not as a padawan looks at his master, but as one man looks at another, one friend at another. "This is very sudden, Master. Very sudden."
"So it is. But sometimes events move quickly. You entered my life just as quickly, you remember, despite my best attempts to push you off."
Obi-wan grinned. "So both Obi-wans have a knack for getting under your skin?"
"In the best way. To my eternal thankfulness."
"So there's not anything you want to tell me, Master--there isn't any sublimated--issue--between you and me?"
Qui-gon chuckled. "No, Obi-wan. And believe me, I spent a very long time meditating on that very topic. I love you, and you're the friend closest to my heart. But I had no ambitions towards you other than hoping our camaraderie as Master and Padawan would continue into a friendship of peers."
"Good," Obi-wan said. "Because honestly, although you're an attractive man, Master, I never saw you in that way. You always seemed too far beyond me in some areas, and behind me in others. It wasn't an issue for an apprenticeship or a friendship, but would be for anything more intimate. For me, at least."
"I never had any hidden intentions towards you, Padawan. Being with you, as you matured into the man you are, was satisfaction enough."
Obi-wan rose. "It's late. I'm going to bed. He and I -- I think we're going to be friends. As for the two of you together, I wish you every happiness. To tell the truth, I had given up on the idea that you might ever want or have a life partner. I'm glad I was wrong. Good night, Qui-gon."
"Rest well, Obi-wan."
Qui-gon traced his steps back to his rooms, and rang the chime before he entered.
Ben was stretched out on the couch, and the lights were dimmed. "Coming to take your rooms back?" he asked.
"How did it go?" said Qui-gon, moving to sit on the far end of the couch. Ben obligingly pulled his legs up, then put his bare feet in Qui-gon's lap.
"What did he tell you?" responded Ben.
"He thinks it went well. He likes you."
"I like him. That's a relief. I had wondered if I would resent him so much that I wouldn't be able to tolerate him. But he's very likeable. He does seem younger. I definitely felt my age a few times during our conversation. He did have to assure me several times that he had no aspirations towards you himself, that he didn't mind our relationship. I know you had told me that you didn't want Obi-wan, but it didn't necessarily follow that he also didn't want you. I had to check. By the way, to get me off that topic, he asked me if you were satisfactory in bed."
"Force preserve us. Nosy little pest. What did you say?"
"The truth -- that you were more than satisfactory, tending towards exemplary. He laughed and said that various inquiring minds had wanted to know for years, but he had never had any testimony to give them. He laughs easily."
"That he does, when he allows himself."
"He'll never enter someone else's rooms without buzzing first, that's for certain. It took him most of the conversation to stop blushing. Speaking of which, we were interrupted at something." Ben removed one foot from Qui-gon's lap and began to insinuate it between the larger man's side and the back of the couch.
"I didn't know if you were still interested in that," said Qui-gon, permitting himself to caress Ben's lower leg.
"Are you still interested in that?"
"Very much. But previously, you seemed to doubt the sincerity of my intentions."
"Previously you told Mace that you regretted being in a sexual relationship with me."
"I wouldn't put it like that," said Qui-gon. "Our intimacy isn't a mistake. The timing adds complications. But these things never happen at an ideal time. They happen when they happen."
"So you don't regret it?"
"Never. Even if it stops here. Which it can. I'd be honored to be your friend, Ben, regardless of whether we continue to be sexually involved."
"I myself was planning on continuing." Ben curled his legs around Qui-gon's torso and levered himself up from his prone position, moving to straddle the bigger man's lap. Their mouths almost touching, Ben whispered, "Shall we continue?"
"If you please," said Qui-gon huskily. Classic response to a near-death experience: heightened sexual drive. Certainly his own arousal was in high gear, as Ben's seemed to be.
Ben teased, hovering just above Qui-gon's mouth with his own slightly parted lips. Qui-gon waited, willing to be teased, glad that Ben still wanted this, wanted him. He felt himself harden, enjoying the weight of the smaller man on his thighs. He placed his hands on Ben's flanks.
Ben's tongue traced a delicate outline of Qui-gon's mouth. "Sweet, hot," Ben murmured, and gently touched the edge of the other man's teeth.
Qui-gon took over, closing the gap and melding their open mouths, inserting his tongue. Ben yielded, moaning and spreading his thighs to press his groin firmly against Qui-gon's abdomen. Their erections lay parallel, insulated by clothing. Qui-gon slid his hands around the curves of Ben's ass and pressed his fingers into the shielded crack in the buttocks.
Ben rotated his pelvis, alternating between grinding himself against the other man's hips and pressing back against the hands. He broke the kiss and muttered urgently, "In me. Please. Quickly. I need it."
Qui-gon's arousal spiked. "Bed," he said.
"No," said Ben. "Floor."
"Floor in bedroom," said Qui-gon. "No more interruptions."
Ben kissed him once more, fierce, and pulled back, slid off Qui-gon's lap and headed for the bedroom, pulling at his clothes as he went. Qui-gon watched, bemused and aroused, until Ben disappeared, then followed.
In the few instants that it took him to reach the bedroom, Ben had completed his strip and was casting himself down full length beside the bed. Ben had spread his knees wide and arched his back, his butt and thighs clenching as he humped against the carpeted floor.
Qui-gon threw his own clothing aside and joined Ben. He seized one muscled thigh in a firm grip, turned the smaller man onto his back, and dove onto his partner's erection, sucking hard.
Ben cried out, throwing his arms wide. "No, Qui, don't, I'm too close, in me quick - "
What Ben wanted, Ben would get. Qui abruptly released his hold, rose and turned to a cabinet. He grabbed his quarry and threw himself back between Ben's open legs.
Ben was panting, watching him, as he opened the small bottle and poured a sample of the massage oil into his palm. He rubbed it over both hands, making a show of it for Ben's benefit, then closed one hand over Ben's erection while sliding the fingers of the other behind the balls, down the cleft and into the small hole.
Ben yelped, arching his body off his heels. "Your, please, Qui, do it, put it in me -"
"Such a hurry you're in," Qui-gon said, "You'll get what you want soon enough. Loosen up, show me you're ready. "
The too-tight muscles that were cutting off the circulation in his fingers softened and gave, and he scissored his fingers to stretch them further. Ben gave another animal groan.
Raising Ben's leg to position him, Qui-gon leaned in, only to find Ben struggling against him, "No, no, from behind, do me that way--"
Qui-gon flipped the other man efficiently, cushioning the thud of body against carpet. Pushing Ben's knees wide, he kneaded the firm ass, angling Ben's hips up and away from the floor. He tucked his thumbs into the vulnerable cleft, clearing the way for his cockhead to insert between the spread cheeks, touch the puckered opening, and press inside.
Ben gasped appreciatively and writhed under him, pushing up against the invading shaft. Qui-gon gritted his teeth as he pumped, carefully at first, then with more assurance. The oil was a superior lubricant, and the sensitivity was exquisite. He increased the pace, more willing to be aggressive when he knew there was less chance of hurting the smaller man.
Ben choked out, "Hold me down, put your hands on me," and Qui-gon moved his hands to Ben's hips, Ben's back, pressing down with his full weight, feeling his lover's muscles tighten under the pressure. He thrust hard, not holding back, feeling his balls tighten as they struck the other man's ass. Ben was still desperately trying to move his constrained hips.
Ben gasped, "Force it's good, like the first time, finish it Qui, please - "
"You first," demanded Qui-gon, "come for me, come now -"
Ben moaned a long note as he spasmed. Qui-gon triggered his own climax, falling into the torrent of his own orgasm, releasing semen and tension into the depths of his lover's body.
They lay collapsed in a panting, damp heap. When the sweat began to evaporate, chilling too-warm skin, they slowly eased apart.
The large bed welcomed both of them, sheets cool. They touched hands and legs under the covers, assuring the presence of the other, and fell into sleep.
When Qui-gon woke in the morning, Ben was missing from bed. Through the Force, he found the man in the next room, meditating behind heavy shields. Perhaps Ben had decided meditation would be more restful, since they seemed to have trouble simply sleeping in the bed; they had taken turns waking each other up to make love throughout the night. The rumpled sheets looked as if they'd been trampled by amorous banthas.
Upon his appearance, Ben rose to greet him, hugged him, but seemed restrained, distracted by his meditations, or just groggy from lack of sleep.
There was a message on Qui-gon's comm, asking them to proceed to the Council chamber after first meal. They remained quiet through their quick breakfast. Speculations were of no use.
They were soon back in the windowed Council room where they had been only yesterday, enclosed within that ring of intimidating faces.
Mace said, "The Council has reviewed the situation and here is our decision. The healers and our own observations confirm that Ben Altern is exhibiting strong Force powers beyond what he possessed ten years ago. Some of his abilities differ from those of most Jedi, indeed, of most Force users known to us. Power is inherently dangerous, but it is our opinion that Ben's Force talents are not, in and of themselves, a negative capability or a threat to him or others. He will require training to learn how to use these abilities safely and effectively. To that purpose, we approve his residence at the Temple as a guest of the Order. The Council will assign one of its members to oversee his training.
"Additionally, while no one can predict the future with certainty, the Council wishes to say that we are aware that this path may lead to Ben's becoming an official member of the Jedi, either as a Knight or in some other, possibly unique, capacity. As such, he would be qualified to represent the Order on missions and other roles in the outside world. We want you to know that we would welcome such a development."
Qui-gon's heart leaped, and he took a long satisfied breath. It was even better than he'd dared hope. He and Ben could work together. They could have a life together.
He mentally reached for Ben, to find him still locked behind impassable walls. Puzzled, he radiated happiness along their bond towards the other man, but got no response.
Ben took a step forward and said, "I thank the Council for their attention to this situation that I created unaware. And I thank you for your assurance that these talents are not of the Dark, and for your generous offer of residence, training and even membership in the Order. But I must refuse. I request an immediate surgical procedure to permanently eliminate my Force abilities."
A vertebra in Qui-gon's neck popped as he snapped his head towards Ben. The Council sat silent, apparently as stunned as he.
"What in all Sith hells are you thinking?" demanded Qui-gon.
Ben stared impassively straight ahead. "It's the best solution."
"Are you mad?" Qui-gon shouted, unheeding of the watching eyes. "The best solution for what? You offer yourself up for a lobotomy?"
"It's for the best. You must trust me on this."
"Ben, our bond--"
"I don't want to be bonded to you. Removing my Force ability will destroy that as well. And good riddance."
"Then what was last night?" Qui-gon asked, baring their most personal issues in front of the listening Council.
"Last night was a mistake. I initiated it and I shouldn't have. I'm sorry for that. But I didn't know until early this morning, when I couldn't sleep and went to meditate. The implications became clear. The risks. The Council means well, but there are things that even the Council doesn't know about the other timeline, and about me. But I know. I'll go under the blade, kill this damned thing that's locked inside my head, and go back to my life. And you will go back to yours. Stop arguing. This isn't your choice to make."
Qui-gon bit back an expletive.
Mace interrupted, "What you ask for, Ben, we will not grant."
Yoda said, "Much to learn you have, if by amputating a part of yourself, avoid fear and pain, you believe you will. The Jedi way this is not, nor your way either, do I think."
Ben said, "Then an implant or collar. Or the drugs. But one way or another, I will get rid of these abilities. I promise that, if I have to do it myself."
"Why?" asked Mace. "If you have such knowledge as you claim, then share it with us."
Ben didn't reply.
Qui-gon began to speak then subsided at a sharp mental poke from Yoda.
Silence grew in the room, filling it up like water. Long minutes passed.
Glancing sideways at Qui-gon, Ben said, "Please leave. I need to speak to the Council alone."
Qui-gon set his jaw but there was nothing else to be said. He stalked out, his robe swirling around the other man as he narrowly passed by him.
He took up a position directly opposite the chamber door, and waited.
Some time later, the door opened, and Ben stepped out.
Seeing Qui-gon standing there, Ben said, "They've dismissed me for now. They refused all the options that I presented. They told me that they disagree with my conclusions and that I should meditate further and return to them tomorrow."
"Excellent advice," said Qui-gon icily.
Ben turned and walked away, into the lift. Qui-gon followed.
"I'm going to meditate in the gardens," said Ben. "Please don't follow me."
"Be damned to that. You owe me an explanation."
Ben snapped, "I'm casting you off. I don't want you, Qui-gon. So go ahead, be hurt, get angry and get over it. You've known me for a very short time. This needn't be a significant episode in your life." The door snapped open, and Ben exited, shadowed by Qui-gon.
Qui-gon said, "Insufficient. I promise you, Ben, that I will find out what's behind this. I could understand the breaking off, although it's unexpected after you were so - after last night. But your intention to maim yourself disturbs me greatly. You aren't self-destructive, and you aren't one to give up easily. Something has frightened you, and since risks to yourself don't scare you, it must be a risk to someone or something else."
Ben didn't reply, but quickened his pace.
"Any significant threat to the Order would be sensed by at least some members of the Council. So that can't be it. It must be something more limited, more particular."
Ben didn't reply as he swept through a door into one of the many gardens.
"It's me, isn't it," said Qui-gon, light slowly dawning. "You think that something about you is a threat to me."
Ben exploded, "You know nothing! About what happened in the past, or what will happen in the future! Your focus on the present will lead you blindly over the edge, and you won't see it coming! I can't trust you to see it coming!"
A spooked padawan scuttled past them and out the doorway, escaping their argument.
Encouraged because Ben shouting was better than Ben silent, Qui-gon pressed his advantage. "You know I'll find out eventually. You can't keep this secret forever. Every day I know you a little better, I read you a little better. I will keep after you until I find the truth. If the Council doesn't tell me first, to break this impasse."
Ben turned his back and fell to his knees, assumed his meditation posture.
Qui-gon stopped to collect his thoughts. He was by reputation one of the best negotiators and diplomats among the Jedi. He would never stoop to browbeating an opponent in a professional setting. Why did he think it would work in his private life?
Casting about for inspiration, he ran through the basics of diplomacy. Successful negotiation was about creating a safe space for the exchange of different perspectives, for the discovery of common interests, for helping the opposing parties see things from each other's perspective--
Qui-gon said, "You want to be with me, as much as I want to be with you. Based on the evidence, I believe that absolutely. So something is preventing you from acting on that desire."
Ben gave no indication that he had heard.
"That obstruction is some kind of a threat or risk to me. So it's something that directly effects me, something that should be a major concern of mine."
Ben had the pure abstracted face of a religious statue.
Qui-gon continued, "You know, you're doing to me exactly what I did to you, that thing that you so resented. You're withholding key information about myself, my future, my life. You're making decisions on your own, excluding me, on topics that are of the closest consequence to me."
No response.
Qui-gon said, "I apologized for doing that to you, and said I wouldn't do it again. I would think that you owe me the same respect."
No response.
Sometimes silence is the most powerful advocate. Qui-gon sat down quietly and watched Ben's closed eyelids.
The air was very still. He heard water, a nearby fountain, murmuring. A butterfly drifted past.
Ben's eyes opened, radiating resignation and pain. "Damn you, Qui-gon Jinn." Ben closed his eyes again, sighed, dropped his head. "Give me a moment."
Take as long as you like, said Qui-gon inside the privacy of his own shielded mind. At least now he was sure they were on the right path.
Ben began to speak, without opening his eyes. "A timeline is not of a single nature. It's a collective of all the threads of existence and experience that run through the lives of all the entities and all the different awarenesses that exist in that timeline."
Qui-gon wasn't sure what he had expected, but it wasn't a lecture on temporal realities theory. That esoteric topic had never been one of his areas of study.
"When I crossed over, my thread exited the other timeline and entered here. But causality goes back and forth along the threads. There is no escaping the past, and the only escape from the future is death, and even then the threads of your life, through your influence on others, go on beyond your own lifespan."
Qui-gon waited for the other shoe to drop. He was sure it was in there somewhere.
"Threads contain the bent of their future in their present and past. They naturally strive for engagement with those elements that are central to their entity's identity and history and constructs. Threads display wave characteristics, veering towards then away from. When I crossed between the timelines, I brought threads and wave patterns with me. That energy reproduces its patterns here."
Qui-gon said, "You believe that we came together due to temporal thread wave patterns?" He wasn't exactly sure what he said, but it sounded insightful.
Ben said, "We're drawn to each other because of patterns in our lives and selves that were established through past experience."
"As are any couple."
"But other people don't bring history and influences from another timeline. The thread here is falling into the previous pattern. The waveform, it's bringing us together to re-enact our earlier relationship from that other timeline."
Qui-gon said, "You and the other Qui-gon seem to have had a strong, rich and loving relationship. I don't see how that can be bad."
"You don't know how it ended."
"He died from the damage from your imprisonment. The effects of torture, or poison."
"Yes and no. That's broadly correct. But you don't know how it really happened. Neither did the Council, until I told them, back there. In the mindscan ten years ago, they learned that he died but they didn't go deeply into the actual events."
Now they were getting somewhere. Qui-gon waited for the silence to eventually nudge Ben into speech again.
He wasn't disappointed. Ben said, almost to quietly to be heard, "Qui didn't just die. I killed him."
Ben's horror began to ooze through the cracks in his mental shields.
"He was in so much pain--He needed more and more of the synthopiates. We couldn't afford them, and he suspected the things I had to do to get them, to get the money... He hated that worse than what was happening to him, what his illness was doing to me, the things it was driving me to do, what I was choosing to do. He asked me to stop, said the drugs were only delaying the inevitable. He said it would be faster without them, so the pain would be less--So he said.
"It was his choice, so I did what he wanted. But it got bad, so bad... He never asked me--he would never have asked me to end it, put that on me, but he wanted to let go, and he couldn't, he just couldn't, it went on and on-- I thought that being a Jedi, he would know how to die when he wanted to, but he didn't, or couldn't...
"Finally I just couldn't stand it any more, he was--it was.... So I went out and did what I had to, and bought what we needed, and when the meds put him into a coma, I put his lightsaber hilt over his heart and--. It took some time for his body to cool. I sat there for hours. I wanted the world to end, but it didn't, it never does when you want it to-- Finally I torched the place with him still in it, and I just walked away."
Qui-gon said nothing. There was nothing to say.
"So I think that's why, that's why he never came to me, later. Never spoke to me from the Force. He knows what I did and that it was wrong. A Jedi would never do what I did, a Jedi would have been strong, stronger than me--a Jedi would have known what to do, other than murder. But, I don't know, I can't, I still can't be sorry. He looked so peaceful when he was finally gone--" Ben's tears were streaming down his cheeks, and his voice began to choke. "The threads...the waves flow forward...this thread is falling into pattern with the other timeline. Our being together is dangerous for you. It's going to end badly for you, I know it. I'll be the instrument somehow, and I can't live with that. I can't go through that again, I can't. And the Order, the Order would miss you, they need you. We have to separate now, we have to."
Qui-gon said, "So you decided to destroy your Force sensitivity, in order to destroy our bond. And you thought that without the bond, and with repeated rejections by you, that I would eventually give up and drift away."
Ben nodded, biting his lip, squeezing his eyes tightly shut.
Qui-gon said gently, "Why do you assume that the cycle must end like that?"
Ben didn't answer, couldn't answer, was falling apart.
Qui-gon's heart ached, but he knew the principled Ben would ultimately only be swayed by logic, not by protestations of love. "We met differently than did you and the other Qui-gon. We met at a different time in our lives, so we are different people than before. Our relationship has evolved differently, through completely different events. Why would you think that suddenly, magically, the two histories would become parallel and I'd develop a wasting disease and you'd kill me in consequence?"
Ben said indistinctly, "I can feel it. There's an inevitability. It's pulling us along."
Qui-gon responded, "Did you ever consider that the inevitability is around our coming together in some way, either as friends or lovers? Did you consider that perhaps the other timeline's thread truncated prematurely? That it was the one that was incomplete, rather than it being the model for all the other timelines? What happened to you and to him in the other timeline was a tragedy, but it doesn't foretell what happens to us here. It cannot dictate to us."
Ben looked terribly shaken, but whether by his own sense of doom or by Qui-gon's reasoning, it wasn't clear.
Qui-gon reminded himself that a good negotiator should know when to let things take their course. He rose and said to the kneeling man: "I said I would respect your decisions, and I do. This is your choice. You don't have to do anything to damage your connection to the Force. We'll break the bond, if that's what you think is best. I'll never see or speak to you again, if that's what you want. All I ask is that you please, please, consider this very carefully. I don't believe the past will repeat. I have faith that our joining is a good thing. I want to be with you. But both of us have to choose that. Decide carefully."
Leaving the garden then was one of the hardest things he had ever done in his life. He didn't look back.
Qui-gon went back to his rooms. He sat and stared out the big window in the sitting room, watching the bustle of Coruscant. Billions of lifeforms, each with their own dramas, who felt their griefs as intensely as he felt his. Hard to believe there could be that much sorrow in the universe.
Over the hours, the sun moved, the shadows changed.
Night came, such night as Coruscant had. Still he sat. He had no thought for the past, or the future, no desire to think of or do anything. He would just sit here forever in an endless succession of moments.
In the dregs of the night, he heard the door open. A figure came to him, sat on the floor by his chair, and leaned its head against his knee. He touched Ben's hair gently and thought of that long-ago boy who had so much wanted to be the padawan of the famed yet flawed Master Jinn.
"All right," said Ben, his voice sounding very young.
"What changed your mind?" asked Qui-gon quietly.
"Just say that I'm much less certain than I was. What you said, what the Council said--perhaps you're all right and I'm wrong--why should I be right on this? What if it's just my own fear?"
Qui-gon noticed something. "You're wearing a Jedi cloak."
"It's Obi-wan's. He found me, in the garden. I was cold. I told him everything. He said that if you were supposed to die because of me, then perhaps that event had already happened, because he's the Obi-wan in this timeline, and he thinks that it's his fault that that you almost died on Naboo. I hadn't thought of that. So maybe he's right too. I'm still not sure. But I'm willing to try. I can't be afraid forever. Another thing I realized. Even if your life is at risk, that's your decision to risk it, if you choose. I'd rather have one day with you than the rest of a lifetime without you. So here I am. Can we? Or have I ruined it already?"
"Nothing is ruined. It's only beginning," said Qui-gon.
They sat together and watched the dawn.
FIRST ENDING
ALTERNATE ENDING
Authors Comment: Warning. You can stop reading right now, and you should if you like happy endings. But this story is about multiple timelines, so if you like, then proceed, as the story continues, in the same timeline or one very similar.
Ben wandered along through the hallways, still hiding his face behind the wrapped scarf. Early this morning, only a few short hours after he returned to Qui-gon, the Council had requested the Jedi Master's presence, alone, to discuss the dramatic events of the day before, and Ben's training and future. Ben had decided to take the opportunity to revisit the places that he remembered. The crèche. The initiate dining hall. The classrooms.
Something tweaked at the edges of his consciousness, like a faint stench.
He drifted along, following the trail, into the wing where the older initiates and youngest padawans did their physical training classes. With a growing sense of unease, he followed the Force-sensitive paranormal odor into a large salle.
A group of children were engaged in lightsaber practice. There seemed to be several tens of them, but he wasn't certain, because he was only focused on one.
The towheaded boy looked ordinary enough to the eye. But in the Force, his menacing presence loomed like a toxic cloud over his small stature.
Ben began seeing images, visions: this child, the boy grown to a youth, a black-caped helmeted man, warring armies, exploding ships--and the Temple in ruins, filled with the bodies of dead Jedi...
So that was the cause of the Jedi's fall in this timeline. Somehow, it all started with this boy. Would start.
But it was still preventable. If he acted quickly.
Everything became very clear. This was why he had had to endure the loneliness of the past ten years. This was why events had conspired to bring him back to the Temple: to see this boy, and to recognize what he was. To do what the Jedi would not do. While some of them undoubtedly suspected his deadly potential, the Jedi would never kill a child. Not even to save themselves.
But Ben would.
He had seen one universe without Jedi, and the result. He would do anything in his power to prevent that from happening again, to save those countless billions of souls from the consequences that would follow the collapse of the Republic, one of the few sources of justice in galactic civilization. Even if it meant committing an act that would damn him for all time, in all timelines.
The class was dismissed, children scattering. Approaching the boy, Ben pulled off his scarf, calling, "Excuse me."
"Hi there," the boy said cheerfully. "I'm Anakin. Who are you? Hey, are you related to Obi-wan? Because you sure look like him!"
"My name is Ben. Yes, I'm related to Obi-wan, in a way. I enjoyed watching you spar."
"Isn't it great? Saber practice is my most favorite thing!" the boy enthused.
"They look like amazing instruments. May I see your saber?"
The boy hesitated. "Nobody else is supposed to use it," glancing around the emptying room, "but just a sec, I guess. I built it myself. Isn't it wizard?"
"Yes, it is," he agreed, taking the proffered weapon. It was undersize for him, made for a child's hands. "How does it work?"
Proud to show off, the child pointed, telling him things that he already knew. "That turns it on and off. There, that's the intensity setting. We're only allowed to use the lowest so we don't hurt anybody, but if you dial it up there, it'll cut through durasteel like fluffycake!"
And cut just as easily through human flesh and bone.
It had to be done properly, so there was no chance of survival. The Jedi Healers were renowned and only moments away.
The last time he had held a saber, he had killed the person he loved most in the universe. After that, he could do anything. The previous time before that, when he had held a saber, he had killed his enemy, but only after countless deaths had already occurred. In this timeline, he would strike before the damage was done, and so prevent it. No one else would know or understand, but he would know.
The boy chattered on about nothing as Ben surreptitiously nudged the dial to the uppermost setting and took a firm grip on the weapon.
The boy's back was to him as Anakin gestured across the room at something irrelevant. Ben leaned over and caught the boy around the chest with his left arm. Anakin started to protest, and Ben put the hilt of the lightsaber against boy's lower back, and activated the power.
The small body jerked. He drew the blade up and over diagonally, bisecting the torso. The saber met his own forearm somewhere in the vicinity of the boy's heart, and moved on without a moment's hesitation, until it exited from the child's right shoulder.
The two pieces of meat that used to be a boy fell to the floor, accompanied by his own severed arm.
Ben heard screams, shouting. His left arm ended below the elbow, the stump seared, bloodless. Rush of people into the room, clamor of noise, but no one approached within the reach of the still-activated saber. He searched the crowd, ignoring the expressions of shock and grief, looking for only one face. Or perhaps two.
Those two appeared together in the back of the crowd, staring at him with horrified eyes, and he spoke in their direction, not sure if they could hear over the tumult, not sure if he cared.
"I'm sorry, but it had to be done. I understand now. This is what everything was about, Naboo, my Force power, everything bringing me here to the Temple. It was to do this. None of the rest of it was important. Not even us, Qui. I know why none of you could do it. But someone had to. Better one early death, no matter how unjust, than an entire universe ruined and lost. You probably hate me for this. That's all right. I hate myself. But this is the end. It stops here."
Ben extinguished the saber, slammed the hilt to his upper chest, and reactivated the blade.
For an instant he remained standing, the radiant beam protruding from his back. Then his hand loosened, the saber dropped, and his body collapsed over the corpse of the boy.
They cremated them simultaneously on separate pyres. One fire had hundreds of mourners around it. The other had only four.
"Perhaps could have been prevented, if only we had insisted that he stay at the Temple when he first arrived, restrained him even against his will," said Mace. "Perhaps he would have stayed on the path of the Light, if we hadn't left him alone with his pain. I remember when you first told me that he would never turn, my friend. And I agreed with you. I never imagined anything like this."
Qui-gon stood unresponsive, fixated on the burning.
Yoda said heavily, "Seductive the Dark Side is. Even the greatest can be led astray. Perilous, when one is tempted to protect the good, by doing evil. Fell to the Dark, Ben did, in the end. Young the child was. Dangerous, yes. But the future is not fixed, always shifting it is. Saved Ben could have been, and the boy too. And now both are gone."
There was no longer a recognizable body in the flames, only a crumbling pile of ash.
Without a word, Qui-gon turned and walked away.
Yoda said, "Yet another grief on him, when already suffered much he has. Go with him, Obi-wan. Fear I do, that in his current mind, choose to join Ben and the boy, he might."
"I'll stay with him, Master. I won't ever leave him." The Knight hurried after the departing figure.
Still looking at the dwindling fire, Mace said, "Farewell, Ben. In death may you find the peace that evaded you in life."
"In life or death, our peace we make inside ourselves," said Yoda. "Ben now goes to fight his same struggle in another place. No more help can we give him. Solitary he is again now."
The two Masters walked away, leaving the embers to glow alone under the night sky.
FINAL END