Rating: AA for suggested relationship, Angst, POV, AU
Spoilers: Yes - big time
Archive: Master & Apprentice, The Nesting Place, QJEB,
SWA-L
Feedback - Yes please, it's my version of the Force!
Disclaimer: Obi-Wan & Qui-Gon belong to the Force that is
George Lucas - he of the incredible luck and multi-million
dollars. My no have none of that!
Chocolate Obi-Wans and Qui-Gons covered in whipped cream to
Chris, Holly & Heather - my goddesses of beta (Here Holly -
have a chocolate Quiggie to help with your email problems :D).
This is the third installment of Worship's challenge. I've
called the series Tangled Webs - enjoy!
The light brush of a gentle hand led him back to wakefulness.
Blinking sleepily he took in his surroundings - an opulent room
with mirrors and tapestries and silken hangings draped around
above and over the massive bed on which he lay. There was an
open balcony and a view of spectacular gardens. A silken robe
was thrown over a large, plush chair in a small sitting area
... and there was a very large man sitting looming over him
next to his bed.
The large hand brushed against his cheek as a soft mental
caress whispered in his mind. He recoiled quickly, slamming
down mental shields purely by instinct alone and scrambled back
against the headboard, eyes large and fearful. "Who... who are
you?" he whispered, confused and frightened.
"Obi-Wan?" The large man's voice was soft, melodic and
concerned. His brow had crumpled into lines of worry and the
young man fought the overwhelming urge he suddenly had to
smooth those lines away with fingers or... lips.
"Your name is Obi-Wan?"
"No Padawan, Obi-Wan your name. Mine is Qui-Gon Jinn - I am
your Master, do you not remember?"
"What's a Padawan? If you're my Master, am I a slave?" The
young man - Obi-Wan - asked, even more confused than before.
His head was beginning to ache terribly. Reaching up to massage
his temples his fingers came into contact with a bandage. "I've
been injured?"
"Yes Obi-Wan, you were. We were in a battle with a Sith lord, I
was wounded by his saber thrust, when I came to you were lying
beside me with a head wound and no sign of the Sith. You've
been unconscious for three weeks, I've been very... concerned."
the large ... Qui-Gon replied. "And a Padawan is an apprentice,
not a slave. You are a student and I am your teacher. You're
training to be a Jedi; Queen Amidala provided us this suite of
rooms, the least she could do for the hero's of Naboo - or so
she said. I've been your Master... your teacher since you were
thirteen, you are now twenty-five." Qui-Gon continued softly.
"Why can't I remember?"
"I do not know, my Obi-Wan, I do not know. I'll go and summon
the healers, maybe they can tell us what's going on. Lie back
down, you are safe here." He watched as his student snuggled
back down under the covers. Placing a hand lightly on Obi-Wan's
forehead in a soothing manner he used a simple mind trick to
help the young man drift off. "Sleep Obi-Wan," he commanded.
Sea-blue eyes clouded over and eyelids grew heavy. Soon after
Obi-Wan tumbled into slumber.
Qui-Gon sat there for long moments watching his student... his
life-bonded sleep. Running a tired hand over a weary face, he
stood - feeling every bit his Forty Nine plus years, and left
his love to sleep. Going into the common room Qui-Gon quickly
contacted the healers to tell them the latest news of Obi-Wan's
condition and then sank wearily into a large comfortable chair.
The room was dark, as it was well into the night hours, but he
didn't turn on a light. Light would just illuminate his ravaged
features. Obi-Wan couldn't remember his life, their life
together. The Force would not be so cruel as that would it?
Obi-Wan had been so close to death that Qui-Gon could actually
feel the Force gathering around his beloved, preparing to
accept Obi-Wan into it's embrace. But Obi-Wan had fought back
and survived. He'd kept the promise he'd once whispered to
Qui-Gon, as they lay curled into one another after a
particularly dangerous mission. 'Don't ever leave me, my
Obi-Wan,' Qui-Gon had whispered almost desperately. 'I won't
Master - I promise, I will be with you forever.' his love had
muttered before sinking into a well-deserved slumber.
But at what cost had his love kept that promise, made long ago?
"My Obi-Wan," Qui-Gon choked, finally letting loose the grief
and terror that had clutched at him these past three weeks.
Tears streamed unchecked down his cheeks as he let the pain and
terror go. He'd had to be strong - strong for Anakin, for
Amidala and for the Council. To have Obi-Wan with him and yet
to lose the man that had somehow found a way into Qui-Gon's
well shielded heart ... "No - by the Force, I will not let him
go without the same fight that he gave to stay with me."
Qui-Gon swore fervently. "We will overcome this beloved, I
swear it!" The door chime broke him out of his dismal thoughts
and heralded the healers' arrival. Perhaps they could shed some
light on what was happening.
"We are unsure of what caused the amnesia but... we have found
an anomaly." Jedi Healer Destine informed Qui-Gon some time
later. She and her fellow healers had spent the better part of
an hour examining the sleeping Padawan, using the Force, modern
medicine and technology to aide them. The others had left
quietly, leaving Destine to speak with the concerned Master.
"An anomaly?" Qui-Gon asked, afraid of what he would hear next.
'No more, by my ancestors, I can take no more ill news,' he
cried mentally.
"There is a swelling along his cerebral cortex, that is
pressing on his memory center. We believe that the blow he
received to his temple from the fight with the Sith is the
cause. This would also explain the prolonged unconsciousness
Padawan Kenobi has experienced. The swelling is going down even
as we speak, but we do not know how much bruising will be left
behind. The problem is that the human brain is exceedingly
delicate and still very much a mystery to us despite all our
science and control over the Force. As such I would caution
strongly against bringing the Force to bear on it."
"We caution you not to attempt to restore his memories in such
a way. Flooding his memory center with your version of his past
will overwhelm and possibly do great damage to him. We feel his
memories will return over time. The most current memories will
probably be the last to surface as they are obviously painful
ones. Already we sense that his long-term memories of childhood
have returned. The rest will, Force willing, return with time.
You must exercise patience and control Master Jinn. Padawan
Kenobi needs time and peace to heal properly, and he cannot be
rushed into anything. You have a brand new Padawan again,
Master and you shall have to be very delicate with him."
"We are recommending to the Council that you both be taken off
active duty and sent to the healing colony on Sellonia until
Obi-Wan has recovered physically, and hopefully mentally. We
will recommend that you go with your Padawan because it will be
worse for him if you are not there. The life-bond is still
active between the two of you, even if Obi-Wan can't remember.
Separating him from you when he is in such a state will do more
harm than good. But again, I caution you not to mention the
life-bond, also keep you mental touches to a bare minimum for
the moment. When he is stronger and the injury more healed you
may begin using your teaching bond, but not before. I will
appraise the healers temple on the planet of Padawan Kenobi's
condition as well as give them my recommendations."
"Now - all the Healers insight aside, how are you my old
friend?" Her warm eyes softened as she took in Qui-Gon's
haggard appearance. Her friend was taking this harder than even
Xanatos' betrayal. But then, he hadn't been life-bonded to that
piece of Rancor bait, and who could resist the vibrant young
man that had broken through Qui-Gon's icy demeanor. If for no
other reason than that, Destine would move all the heavens of
her homeworld to see that Obi-Wan recovered.
"I have been... better," Qui-Gon admitted. "Tell me honestly
Destine, don't cover your answer with a healer's tone - will he
recover his memory?"
"I don't know Qui - and that is as honest as I can get. Head
injuries are so hard to predict. He may never regain his memory
at all, but will still be able to live a normal life - all his
training is instinctive now, and that which isn't can be
re-taught. I also believe that he will always gravitate towards
you. You are life-bonded, lovers and in love. That sort of
attachment relies on emotion as much as memory. But on the
other hand, he may remember everything come the morning. I
don't know what else to tell you." Destine answered honestly,
her heart aching for her friend.
"That you are honest with me is enough," Qui-Gon replied. "He
will remember Destine - he has to remember."
Destine had never heard Qui-Gon so guilt-stricken or desperate.
"These past few weeks, the mission, the boy - I've been harsh
with him Destine. I stood before the Council and took Anakin as
my Padawan before I'd even had chance to tell Obi-Wan, before I
could approach him and tell him I believed he was ready for his
Trials. There just wasn't time and the boy needed protection.
He... I felt an incredible wave of pain and rejection and shock
over our bond before Obi-Wan shut me out completely. Then we
argued about the boy and I let him know by my tone how
displeased I what I perceived as a lack of faith in me. It
wasn't - he was just trying to understand."
"When he tried to apologize before the battle, I brushed it
aside with idle words and pleasantries. But he stood by me,
fought by me, protected and saved me somehow. Placing himself
near death for me - even though I caused him such torment. I
need him to remember, my friend, so that I can tell him
how sorry I am, how much I love him... how I want him with me
forever no matter what. I want him to know that our life-bond
is everything, that heis everything that is precious to
me." Qui-Gon felt the tears run down his face again. He
couldn't stand it if his Obi-Wan was gone, if he never
forgave Qui-Gon his arrogance and blindness, or the cruelty
Qui-Gon heaped on him. Qui-Gon needed his love in his
life, for all his life. He was empty without his Obi-Wan.
Destine sat a moment, taking in all that Qui-Gon had confessed.
This would explain Obi-Wan's reluctance to heal, to remember.
"This... forgive me my friend, but this could very well be a
large part of the problem. Emotional scars mingled with his
trauma - he could be suppressing that which is most painful to
him, your rejection of him and your bond. You need to be gentle
Qui-Gon, and extremely patient. You cannot mention these
events to him - at all! You cannot apologize or - Force help
you, you cannot show him the love you wish to. It may only scar
him further. He must remember on his own with no prompting -
and you must be ready for the emotional backlash, for there
will be one. As you said, you've hurt him. Badly."
"But I didn't reject him..." Qui-Gon began to protest.
"Qui-Gon, my foolish, stubborn, obstinate, blind friend - you
stood before the Council without even sparing Obi-Wan a single
moment of explanation and took another as your Padawan, while
your present Padawan, your lover was standing next to
you. You shut him out, argued with him - did you even try to
reach out to him on the voyage or did you spend the majority of
the time with the boy? Did you show any concern at all to
Obi-Wan's well being? Did you ask how he felt on the verge of
one of the most serious battle's he had ever been in? Did you
ask him if he was ready? Afraid? Anything?"
"No... Gods... how he must have felt. After that flash of pain
he shielded himself tightly against me. I was so hurt by this I
didn't even think that he could have been trying to protect
himself from me. What have I done Destine? ... What have
I done?" The moments leading up to the battle played over and
over in Qui-Gon's mind, tormenting him - damning him with the
truth of his actions. He'd hurt Obi-Wan - deliberately
and without remorse.
"Qui-Gon - how would he have felt if you had fallen with this
still unresolved between you, how would you have felt if he had
not survived?" Qui-Gon's head shot up and the stricken look in
his eyes, the sudden pallor of skin and shaking of his hands
said it all.
Remorselessly she continued, "Life-bonds are not things to be
taken lightly and to reject one's life-bonded, even
unintentionally - the damage you could have done is beyond
measure. You've been given a second chance to make things
right. Don't mess this up. You nearly destroyed the most
precious gift anyone has given you - Obi-Wan's heart. It is
beyond fragile, kept safe only by your love and support and the
trust the two of you have - had - for one another. You've been
given a second chance my friend. One I suspect was bought for a
higher price than you could possibly imagine. A price that I
suspect Obi-Wan paid, willingly, gladly."
"I shouldn't tell you this, it was something that the healers
were going to address with him privately, but considering... We
did catch one or two of his memories from the time of the
battle. He wanted to die Qui-Gon. He went into that battle
hoping to die so that you could be free to teach your 'chosen
one.'"
A cry of denial escaped from Qui-Gon, as if to erase her words,
but still Destine continued - her friend needed to know what he
was up against.
"Then there was an image of him cradling your dying body and
then... the Ancestors spoke to him Qui-Gon. They gave him a
choice, your life or his. He said..." tears began to fill her
eyes as she allowed Obi-Wan's memory to take control of her...
" He said 'Let him live I beg you, I ask nothing for myself, no
mercy no joining with the Force - he is needed, I am not. He
is my heart.' - he asked for nothing, no respite, no
peace, no merging with the Force. He did not think he deserved
it."
Pain flowed out of Qui-Gon then. Raw, animalistic pain. He did
this to Obi-Wan. He made Obi-Wan happily seek his own death.
'Oh my Obi-Wan, what have I done to you, to us? I will make
this up to you. I will show you just how much you are loved,
how important you are to me... Oh my Obi-Wan, what have I
done?'
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