Thanks: To the beta readers who helped with various comments
and encouragement (Thalia, Kim). All mistakes are definitely my
own since I can't resist tweaking. This story came from a bunny
inspired by a discussion on MA.
Summary: Obi-Wan and the aftermath of an extracurricular
outing.
Warnings: language, references to sexual activity
Spoilers: None, pre-TPM.
Disclaimer: The boys belong to George Lucas, I'm just playing
with them and derive no profit from this activity.
Obi-Wan stretched and yawned, then burrowed under the warm
blankets to enjoy the last few minutes before the morning alarm
went off. His thoughts floated aimlessly for a few moments,
finally settling down to a pleasant confirmation that life was
good as one hand casually snaked down to pump his morning
erection.
uummm, oh, yes he reflected dreamily. He smiled smugly
as he slowly stroked, oh yes, now that is nice, nice and
thick, oh yeah, Kenobi, you are definitely hung, my boy
Eyes still closed, the smile widened as he thought about the
long list of senior Padawans and junior Knights, male, female
and miscellaneous, who were anxious to confirm just how nicely
hung and talented was the sexy Padawan of the infamous Master
Jinn. Even before his Master had taken off his curfew for his
eighteenth birthday last year, Obi-Wan had seldom wanted for
companionship either at home or on missions.
The buzzing of the chrono harshly interrupted his pleasant
musings. Obi-Wan slapped at the offending instrument with his
left hand and speeded his right hand rhythm, rapidly bringing
himself off. He enjoyed the relaxed aftermath until a banging
on his door and a vaguely disgusted mental thump through the
training bond warned him that time was growing short.
"I'm up, I'm up," he yelled as he rolled out of bed. The
apprentice stripped off his soiled sleeping shorts, dropping
them in his laundry bag as he wrapped a clean towel around his
middle and headed for the fresher. Relieving himself, he
noticed absently that there was a reddish patch near the end of
his penis but his only thought was that perhaps he had nicked
it with a fingernail.
The next few days passed normally, the usual round of classes,
sparring and studying. Obi-Wan finally realized that the small
patch of red skin on his penis was not clearing up but didn't
have a chance to wonder about it as that night he and his
Master headed out on a treaty-signing mission to Bulartha.
After an overnight trip, the two Jedi arrived in plenty of time
to start the week of meetings, rituals and ceremonies. Although
it was a relatively routine mission, the days were more full
than usual and, after doing his classwork, there was little
time left at night for socializing outside the required
events.
The fourth day into the mission, Obi-Wan was showering after
morning katas when he saw another red splotch near the base of
his penis. This clearly wasn't normal and now he was definitely
starting to get concerned. As the day went on, he began to
notice a vague itching around his testicles so he found a small
hand mirror when he returned to their quarters and carefully
examined himself in the fresher. The red blotch at the base of
his penis had spread to his testicles. The apprentice retreated
to his room and began to ponder. It had been quite some time
since he had been to a planet with any exotic diseases; in any
event, he was certain that all of his inoculations were up to
date. His annual physical was only three months ago and
everything had checked out fine. He had an active sex life,
well, to be honest, a very active sex life, he thought
complacently, a conceited grin on his lips, but he had always
taken the proper precautions and he knew those
inoculations were definitely up to date. The only thing out of
the ordinary had been that little side trip he had taken while
they were on Jambvel.
Jambvel, hmmm he thought uneasily. That was almost
two months ago, but I wonder . . .
Obi-Wan threw himself down on the soft bed, closed his eyes,
and tried to reconstruct the events of that particular mission.
It was a relatively routine mission, similar to dozens of
others they had undertaken, just another treaty to negotiate
between warring parties. Qui-Gon went to the southern continent
to deal with one major group and had left his apprentice in the
capital city to conduct the meetings with the other faction. It
was important but exceptionally tedious work; after almost a
month of nose to the grindstone celibacy Obi-Wan decided his
right hand was entitled to a break. Unfortunately, despite
several appreciative glances he had received, the strong
religious taboos on Jambvel made the sexy young Jedi clearly
off limits to most of the people with whom he was working. The
city had a very large `entertainment' area however, rather well
known throughout the sector, so when the meetings finally broke
for a weekend, the young man took full advantage of the free
time. Much of the area did have a pretty raunchy reputation, so
he had invested time and extra credits to make sure the
establishment he finally chose was certified as clean and he
had even brought a pocketful of his own prophylactics. Obi-Wan
grinned as he thought about the first several hours; a
definitely memorable time spent with a remarkably talented pair
of twin sisters. He recalled drinking a pleasant local ale the
first part of the evening but moving on to something blue,
bubbly and evidently much more powerful than he had realized.
After that things started to get a little hazy and the next
thing he remembered was waking up in a large bed with a sore
dick and his head between the legs of a strange woman. There
were also two other men in the bed, one of whom was
enthusiastically fucking the apprentice's already sore ass. His
head was pounding and he didn't have enough energy to do
anything other than lie there and wait until the stranger
finally came and pulled out. Eventually he managed to drag
himself over to the bathroom and into the shower. It was in the
shower that he found that one of the reasons his dick was so
sore was that there were several abrasions and a couple of what
appeared to be small bite marks, one of which was still
bleeding a little. He made it back to his quarters eventually
and spent the rest of the day recovering and applying a little
judicious Force healing. By the next morning everything seemed
fine and he was quite ready to return to the negotiations. The
Padawan hadn't bothered to tell his Master about his excursion;
although it wasn't explicitly forbidden, he knew Qui-Gon
frowned upon 'unnecessary excesses', as he called it. Obi-Wan
had had a number of discussions about how his definition of
'unnecessary' and 'excess' differed from that of his Master's,
and he had no particular desire for another chat on the subject
and its usual aftermath. His thoughts wandered for a moment and
he sighed. I wish Qui-Gon wasn't such a stuffy old
son-of-a-bantha sometimes. I'll bet he just doesn't remember
what it was like to be young and to want to have a little
fun.
A renewed bout of itching jerked his attention back to the
problem of the moment. Hands behind his head to keep from
scratching himself, Obi-Wan worried his lower lip for a while
as he tried to recapture the scene that morning. Sith take
it, now I can't remember for certain who those other people
really were. I'm pretty sure that at the time I believed they
were just part of the staff but maybe they really were only
visitors. One of them did look kind of like a deep spacer with
that buzz cut and pallor, he thought. You idiot, if you
actually caught something after all the classes and those
lectures from Qui-Gon you're never going to hear the end of
it. He shuddered a little. And you'll never live it down
if you get sent back through any of the sex ed classes again
with the junior Padawans. Kenobi, my boy, I think it's time for
some research. He sniggered a little. Very discreet
research.
The next two days seemed to take forever. There were endless
speeches and ceremonies that required long stretches of
standing or sitting perfectly still and the itching around his
testicles was getting more pronounced as they slowly began
turning a deeper shade of red. No amount of meditating,
attempted healing or local creams or medicines he was able to
procure seemed to help at all and he was starting to get
disapproving looks from his Master when he kept shifting around
instead of standing or sitting still. He had to keep his end of
the training bond carefully shielded and it was only by strict
concentration that he made it through the last afternoon. He
was very glad that they were able to catch a transport back to
Coruscant that night instead of waiting until the next
day.
The first day back home was miserable. Since they were able to
sleep during the trip back, Qui-Gon made his apprentice attend
all of his normal classes. The increasingly intense itching
made it difficult to sit still in class and Obi-Wan found that
the sweat generated during their afternoon sparring session
only made things worse. So far he had not found anything in the
data banks about what might be causing his distress, so after a
quick shower he scoured the Temple until he found Knight
Kresken. Knight Kresken was remarkably well-traveled for such a
relatively junior Knight and had an even more remarkable
reputation for the extent of his sexual adventures. Obi-Wan
found the Knight just finishing an Initiate class and pulled
him back into the now empty classroom.
"Kres, you've got to help me," Obi-Wan said without
preamble.
"Hey, slow down. What's up, Kenobi?" said the handsome blonde
Knight with a smile.
"I've got a little problem, and if I go to the Healers my
Master will find out. If that happens, he's going to kill me
because I wasn't really supposed to be in the place where I
think I acquired the problem. Not to mention what the
disciplinary council might do to what's left of me after my
Master gets done. So I thought you might know where I can get
some help."
"A little problem, eh? I take it you mean as in a little
problem downstairs?" asked the Knight, waggling a bushy eyebrow
as the grin widened considerably.
Obi-Wan had the grace to blush. "Well, yeah. It just started
out as a small red patch; now my dick is alright but my balls
are red and itch. I've got to find something to fix this soon;
I can hardly sit still in class and my Master was looking at me
oddly in our sparring session this afternoon. Will you help
me?"
"Hmmm, that doesn't sound very familiar," said the Knight
thoughtfully, scratching his chin. "We're going to have to get
you downtown to see this being I know. Do you have permission
to leave the Temple whenever you want?"
"Not yet, I'm only nineteen," admitted the apprentice.
"That's a complication; we'd have to sneak you out," said the
Knight hesitantly. "I'm not sure I want to get in that kind of
trouble if we get caught."
"I can get you a date with Knight Weshawnla," murmured Obi-Wan
enticingly.
"You? How do you rate with a hot Voranian like her?" demanded
the Knight.
"She owes me a favor," replied Obi-Wan, watching the gleam in
Kresken's eyes. He saw the hesitation warring with lust and
continued softly, "A big favor."
Lust won out as the Knight sighed heavily. "You'd better come
through, Kenobi, or I'll bust you to the Healers myself. Can
you get away after evening meal?"
Obi-Wan nodded eagerly and they settled the details of their
escape before going their separate ways.
Obi-Wan felt a slight twinge of guilt as the two Jedi headed
toward one of the seamier sections of Coruscant. He had told
Qui-Gon that he would be spending the evening doing research,
so he had not actually lied, but he had certainly left a strong
impression that the research would be conducted in the Temple
Library. Instead he was now in civilian clothes, walking
gingerly down dismal side streets on a hunt for someone who
could fix his balls and keep quiet about it.
Half an hour later Kresken steered him into the doorway of a
nondescript shop in a decrepit block of similar, nondescript
facades. The Knight knocked on the door, murmured a few words
through an opened doorway, then led him into a dank hallway and
past a series of closed doors. At the fifth door they paused
and knocked again and were quickly admitted to a surprisingly
clean and well-lit office with racks of medical equipment and
drugs and a well-worn examining table in the center.
"Evening, Nevlod," said the Knight affably as he shook hands
with a short, wizened Zabrakian. "My friend here has a little
problem and we were wondering if you could help him out."
The old man looked Obi-Wan up and down, then grunted. "Pants
down, up on the table."
Blushing a little, the young man hurried to comply, sitting on
the edge of the table. The Zabrakian made a very thorough and
surprisingly gentle examination of Obi-Wan's entire genital
area. By now both testicles had turned from dark red to almost
purple and were starting to swell a little. The itching was
constant and intense. On the other hand, the original red patch
was gone and his penis looked quite normal.
The Zabrakian leaned back and looked up at Obi-Wan. He started
in on a litany of questions about where the apprentice had been
for the past six months and then a long list of symptoms.
Obi-Wan dutifully recited all the places his missions had taken
him and was able to answer in the negative to most of the other
symptoms the old man rattled off, finishing by describing how
and when the current problem had developed. After sitting and
apparently thinking for a several minutes, the old man got up,
took a blood sample and then a swab from inside the
apprentice's mouth. Rummaging inside a cabinet, he came back
with two sample cups and requested a urine sample and a semen
sample.
Obi-Wan obligingly pissed in the first cup but found it
surprisingly difficult to get any sort of erection up. Having a
grinning Kresken looking at him didn't help matters but once he
finally got stiff he also found that the swelling in his balls
was quite painful. After he managed to produce a sufficient
sample his balls were now sore as well as itchy.
The old man secured the various samples, then gestured to the
apprentice to pull his pants up.
Burning with impatience, Obi-Wan finally blurted out, "Well,
what's wrong and can you fix it?"
"Always in such a hurry, these young people," murmured the
Zabrakian, shaking his head. He sat down before answering. "I
must finish the tests before we know for certain, but I suspect
it is something you contracted on Jambvel. They get a great
deal of traffic from the Pelornian region, which has quite a
number of very unusual venereal diseases, and it seems there is
a possibility you had an encounter with a spacer from there. If
it is what I suspect, it is curable but the drugs to cure it
are relatively expensive. If it is not treated, it will
eventually go away on its own but you will be subject to
periodic recurrences and potential long term impotence." He
paused to watch the look of dismay on Obi-Wan's face before he
continued. "Your healers at the Jedi Temple have those drugs
also, Padawan." He paused again to watch the flush that flooded
the young man's face as he stared down at the floor. "Very
well, then. I will finish the tests to confirm the diagnosis.
Come back in a week."
"A week!" exclaimed Obi-Wan in horror. "I can't stand this for
another week."
"It shouldn't get too much worse in just a week. Use this
ointment. It will help with the itch and the swelling, as will
a cold bath or applying ice. Also, take one of these pills
twice a day, drink plenty of fluids, and no masturbating or
sex," replied the old man calmly. "Oh, and if this is what I
think it is, it is communicable via body fluids, so I would
strongly recommend that you stay totally celibate, not even
kissing."
Obi-Wan paid for the ointment and pills, then asked
hesitantly, "Uh, how expensive are these drugs you will
need?"
The old man named a sum that would wipe out the apprentice's
savings. Obi-Wan turned pale and swallowed hard, started to
speak but was interrupted brusquely. "That is already the
lowest price I can offer. There is a certain risk to obtaining
these drugs privately, you know. In any event, I can't honestly
say I have much sympathy for you. Be back in a week or not, as
you will."
Three nights later, Obi-Wan was lying on his bed,
contemplating his miserable existence as he gingerly applied an
ice pack to his tender testicles. As promised, the ointment and
pills had helped somewhat, but by now both testicles had turned
a deep purplish, almost blue shade, and were swollen and
tender. Morning classes hadn't been too bad as long as he
didn't move much but the afternoon kata and sparring sessions
were increasingly painful, even with a tight supporter of the
softest material he could find. He was certain that Qui-Gon
suspected something was wrong, particularly when his apprentice
had avoided the common showers, but each night Obi-Wan had
quickly eaten in their quarters and immediately sequestered
himself in his room after evening meal, pleading homework to
avoid questions.
The Padawan sighed gustily as the ice finally created a dull
numbness in his nether regions. He indulged in a bout of
self-pity as he glumly surveyed his choices.
Well, you've really got yourself in it this time, haven't
you, idiot, he berated himself. Assuming you can survive
another four days without dying during the sparring sessions or
Qui-Gon finally asking you point-blank what's wrong, if you go
back to the Zabrakian it's going to take every credit you can
scrape up and there's no real guarantee everything will really
be cured. If you go to the Healers now, this thing is so far
along they'll know you've been deliberately holding out and not
only will they tell Qui-Gon but you'll almost certainly end up
in front of the disciplinary council as well. He paused to
indulge in a string of very heartfelt curses as he shifted the
ice pack. If only you had gone to the Healers right away
like you were supposed to, you probably could have given them
the innocent mistake excuse, after all, everybody's entitled to
a few mistakes, and you might have gotten off with just a
lecture or two. Obi-Wan knew why the rules were in place;
you were supposed to go the Healers immediately if you even
thought you might have a venereal disease so they could cure it
before there were any lasting effects and so you couldn't
spread it to anyone else. Even under normal circumstances,
though, the apprentice hated going to the Healers for anything,
and to have to go to them for something like this did not sit
well at all with his image of self-sufficiency and was
particularly galling to his relatively new sense of adulthood.
It's not your fault you had some bad luck, he told
himself resentfully. I guess you'll just have to hold out
long enough to go back downtown.
The apprentice's ruminations were interrupted by a knock on
the door. "Obi-Wan," called his Master, "you have a
visitor."
Cursing inwardly and more than half-inclined to tell whoever
it was to just go away, Obi-Wan heaved himself up off the bed
and pulled his pants up. Walking carefully to the door, he
opened it to find that Knight Kresken was waiting outside. The
Knight smiled pleasantly at Qui-Gon and thanked him before
sauntering into the Padawan's room.
Once the door was safely shut, Obi-Wan turned angrily to ask
Kresken what he thought he was doing coming to his room like
this, but instead found himself face to face with an angrier
Knight.
"Kenobi, you little fool, where you have been all day? Haven't
you read your mail or been to the dining hall or talked to
anyone?" he hissed.
Bewildered, Obi-Wan shook his head. "Except for classes and
sparring, I haven't left my quarters and I haven't felt like
reading mail. What's going on?"
"I've been looking for you and sent you mail three times
today. I've got friends in the Healer's wing and they told me
that in the last week they've had two Padawans and a Knight
come in with some new kind of genital infection. Two of them
were males and the symptoms sounded an awful lot like that
stuff you've got, Kenobi."
Obi-Wan backed up against the wall and stared speechlessly at
the Knight as the implications of his statement sank in. Oh
no, it couldn't be, it just couldn't, could it? he thought
in horrified denial. Finally he regained his voice and
whispered, "Do you know who they were?"
"He thinks two of them were Knight Cruttok and Padawan
d'Shiovn. He didn't know who the third person was."
With a low moan, Obi-Wan collapsed in a chair and hung his
head, feeling sick. "Oh Force, I was with both of them a couple
of weeks after I got back from Jambvel."
"Listen to me, Kenobi. Do you know what happens when the
Healers get several cases in like this?"
The apprentice shook his head, still in shock.
"Well, I do because I've seen it happen before. The immediate
presumption is that someone is carrying the disease, either
intentionally or unintentionally. The next day or two you're
going to start seeing requests going out inviting people to go
to the Healers for a checkup if they have certain symptoms. If
that doesn't work, they start requiring everyone who was known
to have sex with the first victims to come in and get checked.
I've seen them pull people off missions to get checked if they
think you're in that group. Then, if they still haven't found
the source, they start making everyone in the Temple come in
and get checked, usually starting with the people who have a
reputation for being sexually active. While it's possible you
might be over it before they get to you, they usually find the
source eventually if they don't turn themselves in."
"I can't do that, Kresken. You've got to help me," moaned
Obi-Wan.
"Listen, you idiot. I helped you before because I always
thought you were smart and responsible and had just had an
accident getting caught with a new bug. Lots of people have
accidents and there are always new bugs out there that the
shots don't cover. It is a big galaxy, after all, and I know a
lot of people don't really like going to the Healers." The
Knight paused to look distastefully at the young man slumped in
the chair. "But if I had known you had been out having sex
without knowing you were clean, I certainly wouldn't have taken
you to Nevlod."
"But I thought I was alright, how was I supposed to know
anything could have happened on Jambvel?" protested Obi-Wan
weakly. "It was just a little recreation, and the place was
supposed to be clean."
"Being responsible means that if you aren't absolutely
certain you're clean, you do not go around screwing half the
temple," the Knight snarled in disgust. "The one person you're
supposed to be able to trust is a fellow Jedi and the Healers
won't fuss at you if you do come in for a checkup if you have
any doubts at all. Do you even remember what you did in that
place and who you really woke up with?"
"Well . . . " Obi-Wan flushed and looked away. "I don't
remember all of it, no."
"Do you remember anything at all out of the ordinary?" Kresken
demanded.
The apprentice hesitated before finally answering quietly,
"There were some abrasions and a couple of open bite marks on
my penis when I woke up, but I felt fine, they healed quickly,
and, well, I guess I just didn't think anything about it at the
time."
The Knight stepped back and folded his arms, looking at
Obi-Wan like he was some particularly revolting form of slime.
"No, you haven't been thinking at all, little Padawan, except
with your dick, and you must have been asleep during the
mandatory classes, ignoring broken skin like that when you
don't really know how it got that way," he finally said slowly.
"Listen to me very carefully. If you want to play grownup
games, you better learn to play by grownup rules. I don't want
to know how many others you screwed after you got back, that's
between you and your conscience; how you make sure they know to
get themselves to the Healers is your problem. But you need to
think seriously about what you are going to do next, because
I'm not helping you."
"Are you going to turn me in?" asked Obi-Wan fearfully, still
huddled in his chair.
"For the moment, as long as no one gets seriously ill or
permanently damaged, no," replied the Knight. "Just one being
gets hurt because of your stupidity, though, and I'm going
straight to the Healers. As for you, you've got three choices;
let the infection run its course and hope there's no permanent
damage, try to find the Zabrakian yourself and pay for the
treatment, or you can go to the Healers. I don't particularly
care what you do."
"But, Kres, please, I can't -"
The Knight grabbed the front of Obi-Wan's tunic, pulled him to
his feet, then shoved him roughly into the wall and leaned in,
face to face, "I don't know you, I don't want to see you, and I
don't want to talk to you. But my friends and I will be
watching you. Do you understand, little Padawan?"
The apprentice nodded shakily and the Knight released him.
Without a backward glance, Knight Kresken left the room.
Obi-Wan heard him take leave of Qui-Gon, then a dull silence
fell.
For several minutes Obi-Wan simply stood still, numb and
unseeing. Finally he roused himself enough to wander over and
ease himself onto his bed. His first reactions see-sawed back
and forth between self-pity and guilt. For a while he raged
against the injustice; this was the kind of thing you heard
about happening to other people, this wasn't supposed to happen
to him, he was a Jedi Padawan, strong and powerful. Eventually,
though, his innate honesty kicked his butt hard enough to force
him to admit that he had in fact ignored at least some part of
the teachings and that being young, hot and desirable didn't
excuse stupidity. He was ashamed of himself and acutely aware
of how disappointed his Master was going to be if he found out
that his apprentice had betrayed the trust and freedom he had
been given. Until now sex had just been a game, a game he was
particularly good at and enjoyed playing; most of the
precautions were just rules of the game and he had never truly
bothered to think about the reasons behind those rules until
now. An especially agonizing hour was spent identifying all the
beings with whom he had been intimate since his return from
Jambvel and thinking about what his arrogant carelessness might
mean to them. He spent most of the night restlessly wandering
in a maze of unhappy emotions, but the morning light brought no
illumination to his problems.
By careful timing in the fresher and hiding in his room until
it was time to go to class, Obi-Wan managed to avoid speaking
to his Master except for a mumbled greeting as he fled out the
door, ignoring the questions and summons that was called out to
his disappearing form. He had tightened his shields and blocked
his end of the training bond to try to prevent Qui-Gon from
finding out how he felt. The morning passed slowly in a fog of
misery as the young man was buffeted by his churning emotions,
denied the comfort of his Master's presence from which he had
cut himself off. He had also forgotten to take his pills, so
his inner turmoil was exacerbated by the increasing physical
pain from his swollen testicles. He was beginning to feel like
his guilt must be screaming itself to the world, so
overwhelming were his feelings. From long habit he turned
unthinkingly in the direction of the dining hall after his last
morning class, but when he neared the vicinity of the large
hall he realized his appetite was long gone and he couldn't
deal with facing his friends. A glimpse of his Master arriving
from the opposite direction decided him; he precipitately
turned away and left as quickly as his condition permitted. For
an hour he wandered restlessly through the main gardens of the
Temple until it became too painful to walk, then he sought
refuge in one of the older, seldom-used contemplation
gardens.
Seeking shelter under an overgrown hedge, Obi-Wan lay down and
wrapped himself in his cloak, a huddled ball of misery. The
passing of time became meaningless as his mind kept tracing the
same rutted paths of guilt and pain. Kresken's scornful words
rang in his ears as the faces of nine people paraded past his
inner eye. Nine people, some friends, some casual acquaintances
who had sought him out, nine beings who had trusted him but
whom he had potentially infected since that cursed trip to
Jambvel. Trusted him because he was a fellow Jedi, trusted him
because he was supposedly responsible. His own pain diminished
to insignificance when he thought about what he might have done
to those nine people, especially when he considered the
horrible possibility that some of them might have even worse
reactions than his own. Obi-Wan Kenobi, you are truly an
asshole, he reproached himself savagely. You thought you
were such a hot stud, really getting around, such a big time
hero. All you really were was a selfish bastard, out for your
own greedy pleasure. He wrapped himself tighter in his
cloak as tears trickled slowly from his closed eyes and his
thoughts and emotions continued their whirling cycle, totally
oblivious to the outer world.
Several hours later the young man slowly became conscious of
his surroundings once more. Emotionally he felt almost numb and
detached, drained by the depths of his self-flagellation. The
physical pain from his swollen testicles was a dull, throbbing
reminder of his problem. As he carefully stretched his stiff
body, Obi-Wan realized that a large silent form was sitting
nearby, watching him.
"Master," he softly acknowledged, not meeting the other's
eyes.
"Padawan," came the grave response. A pause. "Do you want to
talk now?"
"Master?" was the hesitant reply, blue-green eyes staring at
the grass.
"It has been clear for a while now that something is troubling
you, that you have not been well. I wanted to give you time to
resolve whatever it is, but I had hoped that you trusted me
enough to come to me if you had a problem."
There was a long pause as Obi-Wan bowed his head, a flush of
shame heating his cheeks as he realized how totally
self-absorbed he had been. His only thoughts about his Master
had been how to avoid him and potential punishment, an outlook
totally unworthy of all the things the man had done for him. It
was evident he had a lot of attitude adjustments he needed to
make.
A long shuddering breath, then the apprentice spoke. "I'm
sorry, Master."
"Do you want to talk now?" was the softly repeated
invitation.
Obi-Wan propped himself up on one elbow, reddened eyes finally
daring to glance up at the patiently waiting man. He swallowed
hard, then spoke huskily, "Master, I've done some very stupid
things, and I have hurt some people who trusted me. A lot of
what I did wrong was due to my own arrogance and selfishness, I
realize that now, but the damage is done." He paused to scrub
his tear-stained face with his free hand as Qui-Gon continued
to sit silently.
The silence stretched for a very long moment as the apprentice
screwed up his courage enough to continue. Obi-Wan carefully
sat up, then focused his gaze on his Master's large hands.
"Master, I didn't understand what you tried to teach me about
moderation and thought only of my own pleasure. When we were on
Jambvel, I went out to a brothel and did not tell you. I
thought I took precautions but I got drunk, I don't know who I
really had sex with, and I disregarded some of the basic
teachings." Twisting his hands together nervously, he said very
slowly, "Looking back, I realize now that despite all the
classes and lectures, I never really believed that
anything bad could happen to me, it was always the kind of
thing that only happened to other people."
The apprentice paused for a long moment, swallowed past the
knot in his throat, then forced himself to continue the
confession in a low voice. "About two months after we got back
to Coruscant, I started to notice a red patch on my penis, then
when we were on Bulartha my testicles turned red and started to
itch. It got worse after we returned home, but I tried to take
care of it myself instead of going to the Healers and telling
them what happened. I ended up getting help to find a medic
outside the Temple." He stopped to draw several deep breaths
and collect himself again.
"The symptoms must have kept getting worse, I assume," said
Qui-Gon. The apprentice nodded, still unable to meet his
Master's eyes. "These last few days in particular, it was
obvious during our afternoon sessions that you were having
difficulty focusing."
Obi-Wan wet his lower lip, then continued. "I could handle the
physical symptoms and mostly hide them but those things weren't
the worst part, Master. After we got back from Jambvel, I
continued to have sex with a lot of people until the mission to
Bulartha. I thought I was still clean because I had ignored
what happened on Jambvel. But yesterday I found out . . ." His
breath hitched and he had to stop momentarily before continuing
almost in a whisper. "Three of the people I had been with were
sick, and the males had the same symptoms I did." Arms drawn in
tight and shoulders slumped, Obi-Wan briefly looked up at
Qui-Gon. "I must have passed it on to them and probably to
several more people also because I was too selfish and stupid
to do the right thing. I feel awful, Master. I never intended
to hurt anyone," he said miserably.
"What is in the past can not be changed, Padawan. What is
important now is what you intend to do about the current
situation and how you conduct yourself in the future," replied
Qui-Gon quietly. "Have you made any decisions yet?"
Obi-Wan sat silently for several minutes, then tried to rise.
Qui-Gon was immediately at his side helping him to stand. They
stood looking at each other for a moment, then the apprentice
turned his head to look toward the main Temple. He sighed, then
turned back, straightening himself as much as he could and
clasping his hands in front of him.
"Master, I have committed a trespass and I seek your guidance
and forgiveness," Obi-Wan bowed as he slowly uttered the
traditional words, then sank to both knees. "I have not
followed the health rules, I have not heeded your teachings, I
kept secret my transgressions from you, and I have brought harm
to other Jedi through my selfishness and willfulness."
Qui-Gon stood tall and stern as he made the response, "I
accept your confession, Padawan, and will guide you back to the
path of Light. My forgiveness you have, but forgiveness of
yourself you must earn." He paused, his expression becoming
softer and more troubled as he continued quietly, "These are
serious transgressions, Padawan, especially the offenses
against your fellow Jedi. Your punishment we will discuss, but
now I must know how you propose to repair the harm you have
done."
Obi-Wan looked up at his Master, then spoke quietly but
firmly. "I will go to the Healers and seek treatment so they
can determine what disease I have contracted. I will tell them
about everyone with whom I had relations so they can be
treated." He paused, biting his lower lip in shame before
continuing, but he saw only concern reflected in the dark blue
eyes. "I will go to each person I put at risk, explain to them
what I did so they can seek treatment if they have not already
done so, and I will apologize to each one and ask their
forgiveness." As his shoulders slumped, the apprentice bowed
his head again, his resolve deserting him. "I also accept
whatever punishment you feel is appropriate, Master," he
finished miserably.
Reaching down, Qui-Gon carefully helped the young man to his
feet. "I will determine the appropriate punishment while you
are with the healers, Padawan. I suspect, however, that
whatever punishment I set will not be nearly as severe as the
reactions you will get from your friends," he said kindly, one
hand still on the apprentice's shoulder.
Obi-Wan grimaced before replying, "Yes, Master. I expect it
won't take very long until the whole Temple knows what I did."
He gave a snort and a half-hearted grin. "I imagine I'll be
celibate for a long time even if you don't order it."
"Well, it might give you an opportunity to develop other
interests," said Qui-Gon with a small answering smile.
"Obi-Wan, I hope you realize that when we go to the Healers,
they will have to report you to the disciplinary committee for
hiding your infection. When we appear before the committee they
will most likely assign additional punishment such as requiring
you to teach sex education classes for the junior
Padawans."
"Yes, Master. It was one of the things I was trying to avoid
by hiding . . ." The apprentice's voice trailed off as he
realized the significance of his Master's choice of pronouns.
He glanced at the large hand on his shoulder, then up into the
calm blue eyes which held the serenity he still found so
difficult to attain. "Master, I created the problem, you
shouldn't have to be involved in the consequences."
"Obi-Wan, just because you made some mistakes, that doesn't
mean that I care for you any less or that I am going to abandon
you to face things alone," said Qui-Gon quietly. "Hopefully the
mistakes will lead to learning and perhaps we will both do some
things a little differently in the future." The Master gathered
the young man into his arms, holding him close and gently
resting his chin on the apprentice's head. "Obi-Wan, it's not
just my duty as your Master, I want to help you. I will
always be here for you if you need me."
"I'm sorry I let you down, Master, and I'm sorry I didn't go
to you when I had a problem," murmured Obi-Wan in a choked
voice as tears threatened again. He hugged Qui-Gon tightly and
let the warm embrace soothe him as he buried his face against
the soft, familiar cloak. He could feel the love and compassion
flowing over him, lending him strength for his coming ordeal.
"Thank you," he whispered.
With a final squeeze, Obi-Wan broke the embrace and stepped
back. The two men looked at each other, then of one accord
turned and made their way slowly toward the Healers' wing,
Master and Padawan together.
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