by Beckymonster (becky@queenamidala.freeserve.co.uk)
Series: X-days and counting...
Rating: Errrr..... will you accept R/15?
Catergories: Angst/POV (point of view)
Synopsis: Obi-Wan's thoughts as he watches his Master
sleep.....
Feedback?: Are Jedi cute?! OF COURSE!!!!!! Lots of it too!!! It
makes the muse want to work more - and espeically as I have
part four's epilogue, part five and six still to write :-) Send
to becky@queenamidala.freeserve.co.uk
Thanks: To J Wolfine of the M_A (she of the 'Space Spiders')
for words of encouragement and for beta'ing, to Miss Jedi of
the SWC (a bloody good friend!) To Michelle, for beta'ing parts
three onwards, listening and providing encouragement and
finally to Lissa and Smitty... I hope you like it! Disclaimer -
Not mine, George's, no infringment, no moneys, just fun!
I hope you enjoy it. (Takes a deep breath...) off you go little
one - be brave....
Obi-Wan Kenobi
I sit here, by rights I should be asleep, but I sit in the
chair by the bed in your room, and I watch you sleep.
I question why I sit here, it is not as if you need me to sit
vigil for you. Yet I do.
Before me you sleep. Unlike me you are at peace when you sleep,
whereas I fidget terribly.
You look so... beautiful.
The bedsheet covers most of your nakedness, but not all of it.
The beautiful expanse of your chest remains uncovered. What I
wouldn't give to...
Best not to think about that --you may 'hear'.
You have left your hair fully loose, I find that strange --you
will be complaining how knotted it is in the morning --but now
it makes you all the more beautiful. A couple of strands have
fallen in front of your face, I itch to reach over and brush
them away from those lovely features.
You look younger than your real age when you are at rest, all
of your cares smoothed away.
If you awoke now and saw me, I wonder what you would say.
You would ask me why I was here --watching you.
For the positions to be reversed.
Yes, I remember when I was a lot younger, (13-14 perhaps.
Force, was I ever that young?!) You would sit, occasionally
watching me sleep. Usually it would be after a 'disturbance' of
some kind, a bad dream or an injury. You would be there, a
gentle touch in my mind, soothing me. Providing a light in the
darkness.
I wish I could ask you to do the same for me now. Touch my
mind, and soothe all of my troubles away. But then you would
find out. As difficult as it has been, I cannot let you find
out this little secret. Keeping secrets from you is nearly
impossible, I'm surprised that I have managed to keep this one
from you for so long.
I love you.
Pure and simple.
I have loved you since I went through the Change. It scared me
at first, so I spoke to one of the Counsellors at Temple.
I remember her smiling and telling me that I was not the first
Padawan to fall in love with their master, nor would I be the
last.
She told me that it was just a crush, that I would grow out of
it, just as I would grow into my changing body.
That was nearly nine years ago. I still love you. Is it a
crush?
Unless you count a crush as including the desire to take that
person into your arms and make love to them until you are both
sore and exhausted, then no it isn't.
Yet it could never be. Could it.
I should just 'grow up' and let go of such childish fantasies.
You could never love me like that.
You never would.
The Master/Padawan covenant is too precious to you. After
Xanatos you don't want anything to mar your training of me. You
want what is best for me. You see the redemption of your
mistakes with him in my becoming a knight.
Qui-Gon. How could I tell you that I want to stay in the light.
The Dark has no lure for me, because staying on this path would
make you happy. That is all I want.
To make you happy.
Then there is the other reason.
Why would you, who could have his choice of any knight or
Master, male or female, choose a skinny, undertall apprentice
like me to be your love?
You wouldn't have noticed it, but I have. I have noticed the
glances and the stares, heard the sighs and the whispers of
desire of those who have beheld you.
You are a beautiful, desirable being. Anyone half-alive could
tell you that.
Many would gladly turn to the dark side for a night in your
arms.
Yet you shun it all. It seems that you are waiting for
something.
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